Five more days to go on this journey of 2ww. It has been up and down, and around and around as for my emotions. If I am sitting at home watching TV, I see mother's day commercials. If I am on the computer on facebook, I am reminded how all my friends and family have kids or expecting. Of course my first 2ww is during mother's day. I am so frustrated all I can do is laugh. There really is nothing else I can do ..right?
I have decided not to leave the house. If I go out to breakfast or lunch I am expecting to get more anxious and sad. I used to love seeing kids, but right now..it will remind me of what challenges I have been dealing with. This journey is over a year now and it has been really trying. When I have been looking at mother's lately, I get so jealous. I think to myself, they probably didn't even have to think twice. The couple probably had a fun night and poof..ooops "we are pregnant". Little do they know the daily regime of shots and pain I have had to deal with to have a 50% chance of getting pregnant.
As you can tell, I am feeling a little more on the negative side today. Normally I am more optimistic, but I am feeling not so happy right now. I was reading Whitney's blog and sometimes when she writes I feel she is writing exactly how I am feeling. One part of her blog really spoke to me:
she writes:
"It’s like we went off-route through a mountain underpass years ago and we’ve been blindly working our way through the tunnel. We went in as two, but were supposed to come out as three. And now we see the light at the end of that tunnel, but we are still two and have to walk out of it anyway."
Going through this 2ww just brings back all the emotions of hope, despair, sadness each time it has not worked. It is just getting to me. I so want this to work. I am sure I will feel better tomorrow since I will be distracted at work, but it is only 9am on Sunday morning. I have many more hours to go.
I did have a great day yesterday. My husband and I had fun shopping at the mall. I did notice every pregnant lady though. And I pointed them out to my husband. I do not know why I do this. This has been a habit for me for months now. If am with someone and I see a pregnant women, I feel obligated to point this lucky pregnant women out to everyone. I know- strange.
Symptoms:
well I do feel the twinge in my ovaries. Yesterday after walking in the mall for a couple hours, my lower back was really hurting with sharp twinges. It was a little painful. But then it just disappears. My boobs are very tender.
I just am so frustrated because I feel like my body is playing a trick on me. Is it the hormones or early pregnancy signs. I just want to know if I am pregnant already. This is not fair that I have to wait!
I hope you all are surviving the 2ww
and this challenging day.
Hugs:)
Showing posts with label 2ww. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2ww. Show all posts
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Hello 9 to 5!
Update on PIO Shots
I was doing so well but then last night at about 5:30 I went on a nice hour gentle walk along the beach with my friend. She is now Five month pregnant. She is a great friend and just a real sweet giving person. I am so happy to have her as a friend. Well. after an hour walk, I came home for my PIO shot. Something strange happened. we did all the usual ice, massage, heat, walk, but this time there was a knot or bump. it is still there. we tried for 40 minutes with heat and deep massage. I was screaming from the pain. I honestly was saying out loud i do not want to do this anymore. it was painful.
So this is what I think went wrong so please do not do what we did:
1) too much ice. too long. maybe just get an ice cube for 3 or 4 minutes before your shot
2) when you or your husband is injecting the shot..go slow. My husband went to fast.
3) take a 30 minutes and really warm the pio in the syringe on your skin or under your arm
other than that..tonight's PIO injection went fine.
I have to also tell you all I changed my job!! Yes..it is such great news. I have been working for my Family business for the last 6 years. I have been working for my parents since I was 16, but between that time i got a B.A. in Psychology and and M.A. in counseling. While I was going to grad school my father and brother left the business. Since that occurred I have joined the business with my mom as well as my husband. My mom is of course the CEO, my husband is ahead of production, and I worked in the field managing three of our Eleven stores. it was hard work and I finally just got my energy and control as a Regional Manager working 6 sometimes 7 days week, weekends and not getting home until 8 or 9pm. I had to move furniture everyday and go out to customer's houses, as well as deal with customer service and well..it was a huge responsibility. I do not have a problem with many of the results of the job but two things.
1) working weekend and late hours( I never saw my friends or husband)
2) moving heavy furniture( this could create a miscarriage)
My mom called me on Sunday and told me she would like me to step down and become the head of PR, blogging, and social networking for the company. I loved the idea but told her I would have to think about it. It took all of 10 minutes for me to call her back and tell her I am on!! Today was my first day. I think it was a shock for me because I am not sure I know what are my regular daily duties and really where to go with this position. I had to tell my staff and that was really hard. I wish I could go out and tell them face to face but I was asked to call them right away because they needed supervision right away. This was really hard. i think I am going to miss them. I would see them every week for hours. I not only mentored them, but many of them i felt like we went int battle together. I think I need to do something for them as a good bye, although it is not totally goodbye because I will still see them at work parties and communicate with them about social networking and such. ot sure..just needed to get this out I think.
I guess I will leave this very long post with my symptoms during my fifth day of 2ww:
1) twinge in my side( like cramping before a period)
2) very sensitive, could cry any minute
3) very very very hungry( I had 4 pieces of pizza tonight) and I am really hungry 20 minutes later
4) Nipples are supper sensitive( yes I pinched them, but not in front of anybody) hahah
5) very tired..but I am too anxious to sleep
that about does it..
So this is what I think went wrong so please do not do what we did:
1) too much ice. too long. maybe just get an ice cube for 3 or 4 minutes before your shot
2) when you or your husband is injecting the shot..go slow. My husband went to fast.
3) take a 30 minutes and really warm the pio in the syringe on your skin or under your arm
other than that..tonight's PIO injection went fine.
I have to also tell you all I changed my job!! Yes..it is such great news. I have been working for my Family business for the last 6 years. I have been working for my parents since I was 16, but between that time i got a B.A. in Psychology and and M.A. in counseling. While I was going to grad school my father and brother left the business. Since that occurred I have joined the business with my mom as well as my husband. My mom is of course the CEO, my husband is ahead of production, and I worked in the field managing three of our Eleven stores. it was hard work and I finally just got my energy and control as a Regional Manager working 6 sometimes 7 days week, weekends and not getting home until 8 or 9pm. I had to move furniture everyday and go out to customer's houses, as well as deal with customer service and well..it was a huge responsibility. I do not have a problem with many of the results of the job but two things.
1) working weekend and late hours( I never saw my friends or husband)
2) moving heavy furniture( this could create a miscarriage)
My mom called me on Sunday and told me she would like me to step down and become the head of PR, blogging, and social networking for the company. I loved the idea but told her I would have to think about it. It took all of 10 minutes for me to call her back and tell her I am on!! Today was my first day. I think it was a shock for me because I am not sure I know what are my regular daily duties and really where to go with this position. I had to tell my staff and that was really hard. I wish I could go out and tell them face to face but I was asked to call them right away because they needed supervision right away. This was really hard. i think I am going to miss them. I would see them every week for hours. I not only mentored them, but many of them i felt like we went int battle together. I think I need to do something for them as a good bye, although it is not totally goodbye because I will still see them at work parties and communicate with them about social networking and such. ot sure..just needed to get this out I think.
I guess I will leave this very long post with my symptoms during my fifth day of 2ww:
1) twinge in my side( like cramping before a period)
2) very sensitive, could cry any minute
3) very very very hungry( I had 4 pieces of pizza tonight) and I am really hungry 20 minutes later
4) Nipples are supper sensitive( yes I pinched them, but not in front of anybody) hahah
5) very tired..but I am too anxious to sleep
that about does it..
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