Yes..there is a strong heart beat!! I have a growing strong baby growing inside me!! MY OB/GYN is so great. She calls me and says "are you alright? did you get an ultra sound?" I said no. She said.."I have appointments, but please come in. I am sure this is so overwhelming for you...and I will not be able to eat my lunch with out knowing if everything is okay. Come in and we will cry together or laugh and do the happy dance." I laughed..she made me laughed..that is why I so appreciate her. I picked up my husband from work and we drove through San Francisco like crazy to get there in 15 minutes.
She came in..and My husband loves her too. After going through UCSF clinic..most of the experience was so awkward..and we were not treated like humans..except for Dr Fujimoto( one of his assistants were good too) but my OBGYN...is just warm..and calm..and patient. we laughed and took home pictures of our baby.
I can breathe now!!! I am getting a doppler tonight. Do any of you any good one to buy?
Thanks for all your support:)
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Spotting And ER Visit
This morning at 4:30am I went to the bathroom and I went to the bathroom. I wiped and did my usual inspection. There was blood. I thought I was having another dream. I had a dream just last week that I saw blood. it was just like my dream, but I was awake. I went into the bedroom and told my husband, there is blood. I tried to remain calm, because all the books say during this part of the first trimester, there may be some spotting. So I tried to sleep, but that was so not happening. I grabbed my phone and had to check if Clewis was pregnant....she is YAY!!!! please congratulate her,.....I am so happy for her!!
I tried to go to sleep after commented and congratulating Clewis, but i had to go and check if there was more blood. I went..and there was. This is when I lost it. I started crying and my husband just kept on saying this is normal, but call the doctor. I did, and they said, this may be normal or could be the start of a miscarriage..so go to your nearest ER.
We went, and I have never been so stressed. There was no talking in the car or on the wait. I just wanted to know if i couldsee my baby is still alive.
Bottom line, the doctor came in. No ultra sound. I was furious..he could only see if my cervix was closed. The Cervix is closed..but no ultrasound.
UNBELIEVABLE!
I have to wait for my doctor to call me today, I guess i will have to wait!
wait to see if this is a miscarriage..
wait to see more blood
wait to see if I am in more pain
Wait for my ultrasound on Thursday.
I just feel okay...I am hoping and praying this is just normal spotting. Why the heck am I spotting, I still do not understand. I am really angry right now..and wish I has some answers!!!
I tried to go to sleep after commented and congratulating Clewis, but i had to go and check if there was more blood. I went..and there was. This is when I lost it. I started crying and my husband just kept on saying this is normal, but call the doctor. I did, and they said, this may be normal or could be the start of a miscarriage..so go to your nearest ER.
We went, and I have never been so stressed. There was no talking in the car or on the wait. I just wanted to know if i couldsee my baby is still alive.
Bottom line, the doctor came in. No ultra sound. I was furious..he could only see if my cervix was closed. The Cervix is closed..but no ultrasound.
UNBELIEVABLE!
I have to wait for my doctor to call me today, I guess i will have to wait!
wait to see if this is a miscarriage..
wait to see more blood
wait to see if I am in more pain
Wait for my ultrasound on Thursday.
I just feel okay...I am hoping and praying this is just normal spotting. Why the heck am I spotting, I still do not understand. I am really angry right now..and wish I has some answers!!!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Some random thoughts
Tonight at 9pm I will be taking my last estradiol pill. I have been taking it for about two months. I feel really excited to not hear the alarm on my phone telling me at 9am and 9pm to swallow this pill (which I believe is giving me some pretty high emotions). But I am also really kind of nervous. I had a dream a few nights ago that when I went to the bathroom, there was a little blood. I was all kinds of messed up that day. I think I am just feeling..okay..there is no reducing of the medicine or blood test to make sure it is okay to stop the medication to secure the pregnancy will stay. I am still taking the PIO shots, but that also just stops abruptly on July 4th. Has anyone else had this experience or is my clinic the only one that just says , see ya.
As for other news: I am so excited fro all my new followers and the followers who have been so supportive. I must say, your blogs have given me such joy, inspiration, and at times you have really taught me a lot.
hands down..my favorite blog has been The Stirrup Queen. I love a lot of blogs,but this blog brought me to all of you..and has sparked my creation for writing. Blogging has absolutely helped me in my life. I have been able to cope with infertility and found well: a hobby.
Here are my most inspiring blogs this week:
What a great idea from mel: The Stirrup's Queen idea for writing ideas
This post is amazing and please send your congrats. But be ready, this post may bring a few tears! http://the2weekwait.blogspot.com/2011/06/level-two.html
I had to add this in: I love all your comments and I welcome them. As for my new followers, some of you I can not see your blog..if you feel comfortable..please leave a comment and introduce yourself.
As for other news: I am so excited fro all my new followers and the followers who have been so supportive. I must say, your blogs have given me such joy, inspiration, and at times you have really taught me a lot.
hands down..my favorite blog has been The Stirrup Queen. I love a lot of blogs,but this blog brought me to all of you..and has sparked my creation for writing. Blogging has absolutely helped me in my life. I have been able to cope with infertility and found well: a hobby.
Here are my most inspiring blogs this week:
What a great idea from mel: The Stirrup's Queen idea for writing ideas
This post is amazing and please send your congrats. But be ready, this post may bring a few tears! http://the2weekwait.blogspot.com/2011/06/level-two.html
I had to add this in: I love all your comments and I welcome them. As for my new followers, some of you I can not see your blog..if you feel comfortable..please leave a comment and introduce yourself.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Where to start?
For the first time in a long time I do not know where to start:
1) symptoms: at 8 weeks my boobs are getting bigger:) I have cramps in my belly..not sure if it is gas or what..but I definitely feel cramping alternatively from one side to another. Morning sickness has taken more of an effect. Two nights ago..I felt so sick. I was fine all night, and I was getting ready for bed. I was blogging and finishing up my last blog. I was reading about a fellow new IF pregnant women who was feeling dizzy, and as My husband came into the room..it hit me. I told him I was not feeling good. He said nothing but was just staring at me. I asked him why he was staring. He said he just watched my face turn white. Within minutes I was running to the bathroom and threw up three times. That was not fun. I crawled into bed whimpering, and just appreciated being held by my husband.
My PIO shots: The night of throwing up started out with a very bad PIO shot. Every night I stick the needle in and my husband pushes in the medicine. This night of all nights did not go as usual. I put it in and as my husband pushed it in, everything seemed really normal, until he brought the needle out. A long stream of blood came out. Blood squirted on the bathroom floor, and we were both officially freaked out. I had to use a couple pads, but over all, no more pain than usual. I was okay..just a little freaked out. Tonight was the first time we hit a vein and we had to put two needles in. I am so looking forward to being done with the PIO shots. The estradiol pills are done on the 13th. That will be nice to be done with 1/2 of my hormone regimen.
My Review of my clinic: okay kudos for Fujimoto
he got me pregnant: Thank you. The phlebotomists were great and very very patient with me. Now those may just be the two most important factors in picking a clinic. But now the negatives are pretty annoying. I picked a specific doctor, but I saw him one time and that was a horrible experience. So, that alone almost got me walking, but Fujimoto was so nice and was there for every appointment, retrieval and transfer. Here is the other bothering and annoying situations at this clinic. The people at the desk were a little annoying. There was one women that was very nice and had tact. The other women, specifically one women, was impatient and rude. She even said, in the middle of my cycle, something about my payment may not be needed just in case it might get canceled. This was two weeks into my stimulaton process. Why would she even say such a thing. My mind went straight to worst case scenario. Then..well...I am sure it happens to other people, but the day of the retrieval, a couple nurses seemed annoyed with me that they could not get my vein to work. It was not like it was my fault....but I did feel they seemed annoyed. And now..two months later I find out..during my retrieval while I was out cold..my doctor had them take a pregnancy test( at the retrieval) and now I am getting billed $112. This does not seem right..right? Another issue was, my doctor's assistant( the doctor I never saw) called me with my second pregnancy test result being a BFP, and said okay..we are not done yet..we still need you to come and get an ultrasound. Little to my knowledge..this ultrasound was not included in my IVF sum of about $14000. But the way the assistant sounds on the phone, she did not say anything about the price( since she knew I was not insured for IVF at their clinic, and I have an HMo that I could go get an ultrasound for $10. So, when I get to my appointment I am so excited to see if I am pregnant...( which I deserve to be happy about) the receptionist says, " okay that will be $320. I was shocked and demanded to talk to someone about this obscene amount. They say...you do not have to pay now..but it is the price every time you come for an ultrasound. They then said, what do you want to do..I of course had to see if the baby was there..and my baby was there. Now the next day, I called the assistant twice..and she has not called me back. this irritates me a lot. My mom says it is only $320 and it is probably the hormones making me so upset, so just do not worried about it. I do not think it is my hormones..I feel like it was a scam..a miscommunication from my doctors assistance. So two very annoying things financially:1) 112 for a blood test a pregnancy blood test while I was out cold_ I could have gone to my hmo for ten dollars to find out if I was pregnant..which is a joke the day of a retrieval. And 2) $320 for an appointment that should have been communicated was not part of my IVF process.
so..yeah..that is my vent for the night. I am trying to keep positive though...
Here are the positives:
1) I am pregnant
2) I have all the symptoms I am still pregnant
3) work is good: my blog thanks to a few new followers to my work blog helped me
4) I have been walking with my friend who is 6 months pregnant and we have bonded so much the last couple months- sadly she is moving away. it is so hard to find truly great quality friends.
5) I am up on my bills. You do not understand. That is a big deal for me..
6) I am catching up on my blogging comments. I have missed you:)
hugs
1) symptoms: at 8 weeks my boobs are getting bigger:) I have cramps in my belly..not sure if it is gas or what..but I definitely feel cramping alternatively from one side to another. Morning sickness has taken more of an effect. Two nights ago..I felt so sick. I was fine all night, and I was getting ready for bed. I was blogging and finishing up my last blog. I was reading about a fellow new IF pregnant women who was feeling dizzy, and as My husband came into the room..it hit me. I told him I was not feeling good. He said nothing but was just staring at me. I asked him why he was staring. He said he just watched my face turn white. Within minutes I was running to the bathroom and threw up three times. That was not fun. I crawled into bed whimpering, and just appreciated being held by my husband.
My PIO shots: The night of throwing up started out with a very bad PIO shot. Every night I stick the needle in and my husband pushes in the medicine. This night of all nights did not go as usual. I put it in and as my husband pushed it in, everything seemed really normal, until he brought the needle out. A long stream of blood came out. Blood squirted on the bathroom floor, and we were both officially freaked out. I had to use a couple pads, but over all, no more pain than usual. I was okay..just a little freaked out. Tonight was the first time we hit a vein and we had to put two needles in. I am so looking forward to being done with the PIO shots. The estradiol pills are done on the 13th. That will be nice to be done with 1/2 of my hormone regimen.
My Review of my clinic: okay kudos for Fujimoto
he got me pregnant: Thank you. The phlebotomists were great and very very patient with me. Now those may just be the two most important factors in picking a clinic. But now the negatives are pretty annoying. I picked a specific doctor, but I saw him one time and that was a horrible experience. So, that alone almost got me walking, but Fujimoto was so nice and was there for every appointment, retrieval and transfer. Here is the other bothering and annoying situations at this clinic. The people at the desk were a little annoying. There was one women that was very nice and had tact. The other women, specifically one women, was impatient and rude. She even said, in the middle of my cycle, something about my payment may not be needed just in case it might get canceled. This was two weeks into my stimulaton process. Why would she even say such a thing. My mind went straight to worst case scenario. Then..well...I am sure it happens to other people, but the day of the retrieval, a couple nurses seemed annoyed with me that they could not get my vein to work. It was not like it was my fault....but I did feel they seemed annoyed. And now..two months later I find out..during my retrieval while I was out cold..my doctor had them take a pregnancy test( at the retrieval) and now I am getting billed $112. This does not seem right..right? Another issue was, my doctor's assistant( the doctor I never saw) called me with my second pregnancy test result being a BFP, and said okay..we are not done yet..we still need you to come and get an ultrasound. Little to my knowledge..this ultrasound was not included in my IVF sum of about $14000. But the way the assistant sounds on the phone, she did not say anything about the price( since she knew I was not insured for IVF at their clinic, and I have an HMo that I could go get an ultrasound for $10. So, when I get to my appointment I am so excited to see if I am pregnant...( which I deserve to be happy about) the receptionist says, " okay that will be $320. I was shocked and demanded to talk to someone about this obscene amount. They say...you do not have to pay now..but it is the price every time you come for an ultrasound. They then said, what do you want to do..I of course had to see if the baby was there..and my baby was there. Now the next day, I called the assistant twice..and she has not called me back. this irritates me a lot. My mom says it is only $320 and it is probably the hormones making me so upset, so just do not worried about it. I do not think it is my hormones..I feel like it was a scam..a miscommunication from my doctors assistance. So two very annoying things financially:1) 112 for a blood test a pregnancy blood test while I was out cold_ I could have gone to my hmo for ten dollars to find out if I was pregnant..which is a joke the day of a retrieval. And 2) $320 for an appointment that should have been communicated was not part of my IVF process.
so..yeah..that is my vent for the night. I am trying to keep positive though...
Here are the positives:
1) I am pregnant
2) I have all the symptoms I am still pregnant
3) work is good: my blog thanks to a few new followers to my work blog helped me
4) I have been walking with my friend who is 6 months pregnant and we have bonded so much the last couple months- sadly she is moving away. it is so hard to find truly great quality friends.
5) I am up on my bills. You do not understand. That is a big deal for me..
6) I am catching up on my blogging comments. I have missed you:)
hugs
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Long Post! it has been a while
Thank you everyone who helped me with my last post regarding supporting my work blog..:) I need as much help as I can...
anyways...As I catch up on my blogs...I am so mad at myself. I have really let some of you down. You have all been there for me through my whole cycle through every fear and joy..and I have not been there for you. I promise I will be there for you and support you because a lot of you are starting your journey for the first time and some are doing it again, while some of you are taking different paths and I am so excited for all of you!
I have been so absorbed in my new job, and my newly pregnancy. I have been busy trying to stay awake and I have been eating a ton. I do not think it is my baby asking for food..I think I have just always wanted to be pregnant and have always equated being pregnant with eating a lot of food. Not sure..but I am eating pizza, bagels, and lots and lots of cheese.
Oh!! Two days ago I had my first day of morning sickness. Very strange because the next day I felt..okay. Is that normal? anyways. two day ago..I woke up feeling dizzy and nauseous. iIt was really bad. Okay...not so bad that I was vomiting or so dizzy that I had to hang on to the wall..but really dizzy and gagged a couple times. This was really not fun. I went over to my husband( since we work in the same business) and told him my symptoms. he smiled and looked happy about it. This was unnerving. I asked why are you smiling? He said, your pregnant! I just had to walk away...this bothered me. I then went in to tell me coworker, and she looked a little more sympathetic and said, she felt like this her whole pregnancy. This was not getting any better. I probably should have just blogged about it because everyone was just annoying me with their responses.
So, by 2:30 the symptoms went away. I have no idea what it was. I did not really eat much, just crackers, ginger ale, and mint gum. Since then, no morning sickness. Strange..but I am fine with no more morning sickness. I feel a little guilty complaining about pregnancy symptoms because I would do anything to be pregnant, but the symptoms are pretty gruesome. In the last week, I have gagged every day from smells that no one else can smell until I point them out, I have thrown up a couple times, and my boobs are so tender and they are growing!
I have gone to a few baby stores..but I have not let myself bask in the joy too much, because they say miscarriages happen often in the first trimester..and well.I have 5 more weeks. It is so hard not to shout to everyone ..I am pregnant. Everyone knows in my office that I am pregnant..but not because I told them. because my mom has the biggest mouth! I have gotten congrats from lots of her friends..I have to say thank you, but it feels really awkward. I am not ready to be saying thank you..I am too worried about a misscariage, superstitions, and well...I would have like to have told them. My mom has taken that gift away. I am a little upset at her..but it is what is it..and I have a baby growing inside me. I have to just keep calm..but I have to remind myself I also have lots of hormones running through me.
Oh talking about hormones..the PIO injentions..I found now that I am not so fearful of that one and a half inch needle in my hip, I don't like the ice. With the ice, it is harder to move the progesterone around and I never liked the idea of putting heat near my embryo...so if you can bear a little sting, do not use ice or heat. It really is not that bad. It has taken me a month to be brave enough to not use ice..but if you are going into your second month with PIO..try no ice..it is much easier and the result is no lumps.
Okay..I better stop now..this post is super long. i have much more to say..but I will save it for another post
hugs!!!
anyways...As I catch up on my blogs...I am so mad at myself. I have really let some of you down. You have all been there for me through my whole cycle through every fear and joy..and I have not been there for you. I promise I will be there for you and support you because a lot of you are starting your journey for the first time and some are doing it again, while some of you are taking different paths and I am so excited for all of you!
I have been so absorbed in my new job, and my newly pregnancy. I have been busy trying to stay awake and I have been eating a ton. I do not think it is my baby asking for food..I think I have just always wanted to be pregnant and have always equated being pregnant with eating a lot of food. Not sure..but I am eating pizza, bagels, and lots and lots of cheese.
Oh!! Two days ago I had my first day of morning sickness. Very strange because the next day I felt..okay. Is that normal? anyways. two day ago..I woke up feeling dizzy and nauseous. iIt was really bad. Okay...not so bad that I was vomiting or so dizzy that I had to hang on to the wall..but really dizzy and gagged a couple times. This was really not fun. I went over to my husband( since we work in the same business) and told him my symptoms. he smiled and looked happy about it. This was unnerving. I asked why are you smiling? He said, your pregnant! I just had to walk away...this bothered me. I then went in to tell me coworker, and she looked a little more sympathetic and said, she felt like this her whole pregnancy. This was not getting any better. I probably should have just blogged about it because everyone was just annoying me with their responses.
So, by 2:30 the symptoms went away. I have no idea what it was. I did not really eat much, just crackers, ginger ale, and mint gum. Since then, no morning sickness. Strange..but I am fine with no more morning sickness. I feel a little guilty complaining about pregnancy symptoms because I would do anything to be pregnant, but the symptoms are pretty gruesome. In the last week, I have gagged every day from smells that no one else can smell until I point them out, I have thrown up a couple times, and my boobs are so tender and they are growing!
I have gone to a few baby stores..but I have not let myself bask in the joy too much, because they say miscarriages happen often in the first trimester..and well.I have 5 more weeks. It is so hard not to shout to everyone ..I am pregnant. Everyone knows in my office that I am pregnant..but not because I told them. because my mom has the biggest mouth! I have gotten congrats from lots of her friends..I have to say thank you, but it feels really awkward. I am not ready to be saying thank you..I am too worried about a misscariage, superstitions, and well...I would have like to have told them. My mom has taken that gift away. I am a little upset at her..but it is what is it..and I have a baby growing inside me. I have to just keep calm..but I have to remind myself I also have lots of hormones running through me.
Oh talking about hormones..the PIO injentions..I found now that I am not so fearful of that one and a half inch needle in my hip, I don't like the ice. With the ice, it is harder to move the progesterone around and I never liked the idea of putting heat near my embryo...so if you can bear a little sting, do not use ice or heat. It really is not that bad. It has taken me a month to be brave enough to not use ice..but if you are going into your second month with PIO..try no ice..it is much easier and the result is no lumps.
Okay..I better stop now..this post is super long. i have much more to say..but I will save it for another post
hugs!!!
Friday, June 3, 2011
Asking for a little help
Hello Everyone,
I am asking everyone for a little support. I am working in my new job as a blogger and would love your comments, follow me, or any advice on to how to get more people to join my blog work blog:
http://blog.thefutonshop.com/
This is a very different experience that I have writing with this blog from writing for this trying to conceive blog where I have found such great support from all of you. I do not get to get personal, nor do I get to express my challenges and problems in my life. I have been working on this blog for the last month, and I have had only a hand full of followers and comments . I would love your support..to get the followship going..
Thank you for you support and I will be back this weekend with an update of my recent pregnancy symptoms.
Let me just say..I am 7 weeks and Yesterday I felt morning sickness from when i woke up at 6am all the way until 2:30. It was a doosy of a day! I can not wait to catch up with everyone's blogs..I have been seriously exhausted!
oH-- I had to add this to my post..as I am blogging my favorite website right now is Huffington post! I really think the articles are just really new and fresh and the writers are great.
I read this article it's about the octomom. The whole thing made me cringe and gave IVF clinics such a bad name. I was reading it and my doctor Fujimoto was quoted in the article more than half the article. I am so very proud. He put two embryos in and one survived. I loved him too because he was so calm and confident and was there for me the whole IVF process! I can not say enough great thngs about this doctor. Anyways...here is a quote from him:
Dr. Victor Fujimoto, who testified against Kamrava for the state and heads the fertility program at the University of California, San Francisco, said Thursday there was no doubt justice has been served with Kamrava's license revocation, and most doctors know better than to make such mistakes.
"The consensus that is very clear among my industry peers and my physician colleagues is that Dr. Kamrava operated well outside the standards," Fujimoto said.
I am asking everyone for a little support. I am working in my new job as a blogger and would love your comments, follow me, or any advice on to how to get more people to join my blog work blog:
http://blog.thefutonshop.com/
This is a very different experience that I have writing with this blog from writing for this trying to conceive blog where I have found such great support from all of you. I do not get to get personal, nor do I get to express my challenges and problems in my life. I have been working on this blog for the last month, and I have had only a hand full of followers and comments . I would love your support..to get the followship going..
Thank you for you support and I will be back this weekend with an update of my recent pregnancy symptoms.
Let me just say..I am 7 weeks and Yesterday I felt morning sickness from when i woke up at 6am all the way until 2:30. It was a doosy of a day! I can not wait to catch up with everyone's blogs..I have been seriously exhausted!
oH-- I had to add this to my post..as I am blogging my favorite website right now is Huffington post! I really think the articles are just really new and fresh and the writers are great.
I read this article it's about the octomom. The whole thing made me cringe and gave IVF clinics such a bad name. I was reading it and my doctor Fujimoto was quoted in the article more than half the article. I am so very proud. He put two embryos in and one survived. I loved him too because he was so calm and confident and was there for me the whole IVF process! I can not say enough great thngs about this doctor. Anyways...here is a quote from him:
Dr. Victor Fujimoto, who testified against Kamrava for the state and heads the fertility program at the University of California, San Francisco, said Thursday there was no doubt justice has been served with Kamrava's license revocation, and most doctors know better than to make such mistakes.
"The consensus that is very clear among my industry peers and my physician colleagues is that Dr. Kamrava operated well outside the standards," Fujimoto said.
Friday, May 27, 2011
There's a baby in there!
Yes!! Confirmed!! Thank god!! Now I can sleep! Ahhh!!! After a long time of trying..I finally saw a baby at the U/S! I could hardly see my baby, but when she said look at the flickering light..that's the heart beat! I saw it! I have to say, I am still in shock and really relieved. I feel just kind of like putty! But...one thing. They put two in and one stayed. I am actually happy there is only one, because thinking about it financially and health wise..it would have been very stressful. But I am wondering about the other embryo. My husband and I were talking about the soul and when it enters the body. I really don't know the answer..but I wonder. I feel like I am mourning the other embryo for some reason.
My husband said the Egyptian belief is that the soul does not arrive in the body until a child takes it's first breath. Not really sure if this is true or not..interesting subject to research on though.
I have called all the important family members who have been asking and friends who have been there to support me and I have to say..I am kind of too tired to talk very long. I am so tired! So very tired. I am not sure if it is the pregnancy or just I feel like I have been fighting and fighting and finally I do not have to fight anymore. There is still a little fear in me..but overall..I met my baby...and we are connected. Okay..crying now. Those words just kind of woke me up from this daze and shock I have been feeling. This little bean is connected to my body, my soul. We are one right now! This is an amazing feeling! I love this baby so much...words can not describe how happy this feeling is. Even though I can hardly move..and my boobs are killing me...I am jumping for joy inside!
My husband said the Egyptian belief is that the soul does not arrive in the body until a child takes it's first breath. Not really sure if this is true or not..interesting subject to research on though.
I have called all the important family members who have been asking and friends who have been there to support me and I have to say..I am kind of too tired to talk very long. I am so tired! So very tired. I am not sure if it is the pregnancy or just I feel like I have been fighting and fighting and finally I do not have to fight anymore. There is still a little fear in me..but overall..I met my baby...and we are connected. Okay..crying now. Those words just kind of woke me up from this daze and shock I have been feeling. This little bean is connected to my body, my soul. We are one right now! This is an amazing feeling! I love this baby so much...words can not describe how happy this feeling is. Even though I can hardly move..and my boobs are killing me...I am jumping for joy inside!
Ultrasound today at 3:45pm
This will be the shortest post I have ever written..but I just wanted to shout out that my ultrasound is at 3:45 today. I am and have been a nervous wreck. I have been having a hard time blogging lately and commenting because well...I can not think straight. I so hope everything goes well...so nervous...that is all that is in my head..I want everything to be okay and that I have a healthy baby growing and my body will be fine. I also would really like to hear the heartbeat. Not sure if this is possible at 6 weeks and 5 days. Wish me luck...
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tender Boobs!
Yes..I put it in the title. Seriously girls...if I just move my arm a little across my boob..I am in so much pain! This is ridiculous. This is not a little tender..this is like..ouch!!!
hahahah
And my progesterone shots have not been a walk in the park! Sorry this is a venting blog..but I got to get this out!
I am itchy all over the injecting sites! Note to all of you who will do PIO(progesterone in oil) injections.
1) Do not inject the needle in the same place over and over again. I did the first two weeks and now I have small hard ball like knots on each hip.
2) If one side seems to be building up a ball, inject the other side two to three days until the ball decreases
3) If you have a huge fear of needles..do what I did and inject yourself and have your husband or friend inject the oil( for me this made me feel like I had a little more control)
4) Give yourself an award each night. Chocolate, or bead a necklace.
5) and finally get witch hazel to rub when the itching and burning start
hahahah
And my progesterone shots have not been a walk in the park! Sorry this is a venting blog..but I got to get this out!
I am itchy all over the injecting sites! Note to all of you who will do PIO(progesterone in oil) injections.
1) Do not inject the needle in the same place over and over again. I did the first two weeks and now I have small hard ball like knots on each hip.
2) If one side seems to be building up a ball, inject the other side two to three days until the ball decreases
3) If you have a huge fear of needles..do what I did and inject yourself and have your husband or friend inject the oil( for me this made me feel like I had a little more control)
4) Give yourself an award each night. Chocolate, or bead a necklace.
5) and finally get witch hazel to rub when the itching and burning start
Monday, May 23, 2011
Please give support to fellow Blogger
Please give support to Jennifer at: http://doihavetobeadink.blogspot.com/http://doihavetobeadink.blogspot.com/
She just lost her baby and she needs as much support as possible right now. I have been following her for months and I was just so excited for her ...as I do for all of you who struggle the same challenges I do with Conceiving.
I can no say much more....I am still at loss for words. I even swore "oh Shit" on her comments because I was in shock. I do not swear on this blogosphere. It is only reserved when horrible horrible things happen.
I was also wondering if anyone has contacted
http://horriblehormones.blogspot.com/
She just lost her baby and she needs as much support as possible right now. I have been following her for months and I was just so excited for her ...as I do for all of you who struggle the same challenges I do with Conceiving.
I can no say much more....I am still at loss for words. I even swore "oh Shit" on her comments because I was in shock. I do not swear on this blogosphere. It is only reserved when horrible horrible things happen.
I was also wondering if anyone has contacted
http://horriblehormones.blogspot.com/
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Welcome May ICLW
Welcome May ICLW Bloggers and loyal bloggers I have been in contact the last few months. If you read my TTC journey you will see I got a BFP last week. I would love for you to join my Journey and would love to follow yours and support you as well. If you recently got a BFP, BFN, just started trying to conceive, or have been trying for years, trying with IUi, or IVF, or trying for that second baby but it just is not as easy as the first, it does not matter ...we are all on the same journey..: Trying to make a family. And this is a great community of support and resources. I have no idea how I would have survived this year with this loving community. So welcome if you are new, and Thank you to each and every one of you for being there for me and letting me be a part of your journey.
I can not tell you how many pots I have read that have brought me to tears from sorrow and inspiration. I do feel like this community has helped me in so many ways. it is as if...I am talking to a friend through this blogs. Some bloggers really share amazing stories about their lives and feelings.
If you are new to my blog I would love to get to know you. Here are a few questions:
1) Where are you in your Infertility Path
2) have you had children before
3) how long have you been blogging
4) if you have a blog..what is?
5) If you have been dealing with Infertility for a while, what have you been doing to relieve the stress
6) what is your favorite blog or two
Again Welcome to May ICLW..and I can not wait to start commenting:)
I can not tell you how many pots I have read that have brought me to tears from sorrow and inspiration. I do feel like this community has helped me in so many ways. it is as if...I am talking to a friend through this blogs. Some bloggers really share amazing stories about their lives and feelings.
If you are new to my blog I would love to get to know you. Here are a few questions:
1) Where are you in your Infertility Path
2) have you had children before
3) how long have you been blogging
4) if you have a blog..what is?
5) If you have been dealing with Infertility for a while, what have you been doing to relieve the stress
6) what is your favorite blog or two
Again Welcome to May ICLW..and I can not wait to start commenting:)
Thursday, May 19, 2011
I am still here..sneezing away
I have so much to catch up to with all my favorite bloggers ..as soon as I found out about my BFP...I started feeling really tired. I thought it could have been about the hormones but then my throat got really sore..and now I am in full blown sneezing and coughing fits. This kind of sucks. I want to celebrate and enjoy this moment but I am so drained. I am recovering quickly though..I did not get a fever, so it is just a cold now..but I am very very tired.
I have many blogs to catch up with...I miss my blogging buddies.
I also have to admit I have been very emotional. I am not sure if it is the estradiol pills twice a day and progesterone at night..I wonder if the hormones are not natural and more than normal. I feel out of control emotionally lately. Very vulnerable and insecure. I seem to be nagging my husband a lot. And I went out with my mom today and everything she did was annoying me. TMI notice(I have not had sex in a very long time.) I am on edge..because I am sick, I am on a huge amounts of hormones, and it has been two very long months of hormones and 2 week wait..of no sex.
I can not believe I am writing this down on my blog for the world to read but I really feel sex in a relationship does bring a couple closer. I do not feel that sex alone brings a couple closer because there can be intimacy and closeness that does not involve sex that But sex alone is an extremely close intimate moment that should not be ceased for two months. Plus..I do not think we will be "doing it" until after the first trimester. Okay...I am going to stop revealing this part of my life..who knows what I will write next!
I hope you all are doing great and have many great plans for this weekend! Tomorrow is Friday! Yayayay
Hugs
I have many blogs to catch up with...I miss my blogging buddies.
I also have to admit I have been very emotional. I am not sure if it is the estradiol pills twice a day and progesterone at night..I wonder if the hormones are not natural and more than normal. I feel out of control emotionally lately. Very vulnerable and insecure. I seem to be nagging my husband a lot. And I went out with my mom today and everything she did was annoying me. TMI notice(I have not had sex in a very long time.) I am on edge..because I am sick, I am on a huge amounts of hormones, and it has been two very long months of hormones and 2 week wait..of no sex.
I can not believe I am writing this down on my blog for the world to read but I really feel sex in a relationship does bring a couple closer. I do not feel that sex alone brings a couple closer because there can be intimacy and closeness that does not involve sex that But sex alone is an extremely close intimate moment that should not be ceased for two months. Plus..I do not think we will be "doing it" until after the first trimester. Okay...I am going to stop revealing this part of my life..who knows what I will write next!
I hope you all are doing great and have many great plans for this weekend! Tomorrow is Friday! Yayayay
Hugs
Friday, May 13, 2011
Finally!! Beta Results!
I can not believe Blogger was down when I finally got my test results!!
BFP!!!
yes! BFP!! I am in shock right now!
it has been over a year of Trying to Conceive!
My first beta was 274
my second beta was 447
I am still nervous because I still have my ultra sound in two weeks.
Let me tell you how my phone call went for my first beta. The doctor said "well you are pregnant". I started getting excited and emotional. She then stopped that by saying, "don't jump for joy yet. You have to go get your blood test tomorrow and then you have an ultra sound." All the joy just kind of melted away into my gut. Do I ever get a break. When do I get to celebrate!
So last night was so hard not being able to tell you all and vent and get advice with this mixed message of a pregnancy result.
So then I got my second beta test result back today and this is what the clinic said: "these are excellent numbers congratulations. Let's set up an ultra sound."
I let myself get happy this time. But of course I am worried about the u/s. I really really want to just soak this up.
I feel a little bittersweet right now.
1) I am so happy that finally all this worked!
2) I have worried about every step of this IVF, and it has not stopped now that the test result says I am pregnant
3) from reading blogs, I know how quickly a dream can be taken away
4) I want to dream, but fear is in the background
5) I feel I have gone through this journey with many of you, and fear I will lose this community
6) I feel so blessed that I got a BFP
7) I feel sad for all my fellow IF community who still have not received their BFP( this makes me very sad.) I have gone through many IVF and IUI journeys and have cried when I heard it did not work. It still breaks my heart.
8) I feel like I am in limbo...do I celebrate or hold on tight for two more weeks until the U/S...I fear everything!!
As for now..I will try to enjoy this moment because I am pregnant! yes..I am pregnant. I just keep on repeating this to myself!
I am pregnant!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
One more day for beta! food is my only savior!
I can not tell you how many different emotions I have had today. But people keep telling me to be positive. I really want to be....but I know what could happen...and it scares me to death! This has been so scary. Yes...I am so scared. No one else will allow to me to say this. They believe that if I share my scared feelings then I won't get pregnant. They think that if I get stressed out or say I am fearful..then I will not get pregnant. Sometimes I feel like maybe they just can not handle my negative anxiousness. And then that makes me think, how are any of my friends and family going to deal with my sadness or depression if I do not get pregnant. I have visions through this 2ww of shopping for my baby, and feeling it grow and being oohed at and ahhhed at with everyone sayign how "oh she has the glow" I fantasize of telling all of you and and all you cheering me on and then becoming a cheerleaders for you and all the new bloggers. I fantasize about names, and eye shape, and eye color, and then how I am going to raise my child or twins! and then the fear comes in and says, wait...this may not happen. So then I get visions of telling my husband to make the calls, eating a lot of ice cream, and throwing plates around. And then I say..wait..you are being too negative...just do not think about it. and then it starts all over again.
Then the symptoms are confusing. They feel like, cramping, and twinges..and then sometimes it's just gas.
Everyone is so excited for me..but I am screaming inside. I can not deal with this waiting. I know why every one says the 2ww wait is the hardest part of this whole journey. it really is.
alright..that is enough rambling from me for now. Okay one more thought..I am emotionally eating like crazy. Last week I went out for pizza and ate 4 pieces of pizza! The next day I went out for hamburgers and fries( in-n-out burger and fries animal style) then right after the burgers went out for ice cream! I have gone off the wagon. Food is my addiction. I really need to find out the result...if not..I am seriously going to need to go to food rehab! Oh yeah...and I have had chocolate! mm..actually that sounds good..
see ya..going for a chocolate cookie now!
Monday, May 9, 2011
Final update: spotting
Thank you all for being so supportive. I really could not do this without your support. I got the call later that night and the clinic said.."well that sounds like good news." But it may also be a false positive. They said to call the nurse in the morning. The nurse was not excited about the positive preg test..she said it is too early. But she did say I could come in two days early for a beta test.So Wednesday morning I am going for an hcg test!! wish me luck girls!!
I spotted once today. My boobs are super sensitive and my lower back is killing me! Right where I have been taking the PIO shots. Other than that..my mind is just racing..I have been feeling hopeful though..I also took another preg test today and it was positive. Oh..and I am really tired so I will be going to bed any minute.
I am not really able to reflect or express much emotion, I feel more like I am on auto control. It is too much to think about the positive or negative. It hurts too much.
I spotted once today. My boobs are super sensitive and my lower back is killing me! Right where I have been taking the PIO shots. Other than that..my mind is just racing..I have been feeling hopeful though..I also took another preg test today and it was positive. Oh..and I am really tired so I will be going to bed any minute.
I am not really able to reflect or express much emotion, I feel more like I am on auto control. It is too much to think about the positive or negative. It hurts too much.
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