Monday, January 10, 2011

Dear Doctor ICE

Went to my first IVF appointment. Yay!! I am starting my hormone regime next month after I start my period.
I am not so excited with my doctor. The only way to vent about it was to write a letter to this horrible doctor. I would never send it..but I was able to get it out some way!

Dear Doctor ( DR ICE),
   Since it is our first time meeting and all...I will be polite. I will give you a second chance because I am a good person and I do realize that everyone is aloud a bad day. I am sure you are a very good doctor and have put in many years to work at UCSF and train the new interns in your facility. And I was recommended  to see you through my brother and sister-in-law who had a successful IVF process with you as their doctor. So, with that said, I have trust in you as a my doctor to help me achieve my life long dream of building a family with my husband. There are a few comments I will leave so we are clear, I was very unhappy with our first visit. First of all, in a first meeting, we did not appreciate you being late 30 minutes late. Seeing that my husband and I work, we took off early so we could meet with you The fact that this appointment cost $325...we would have expected you to be there...ON TIME. Not only were you not on time, but you sent in your intern that just started today.  Although he was very confused and nervous, he was very sweet so I will give him an A for effort. Not knowing  at the beginning he was an intern that had no experience, I would have never known..until we all entered the exam room when he performed the vaginal sonogram. Not Fun. But let me first vent about when we actually do meet you Dr. Ice.  So your Intern asks us questions and you are not even in the room for a good 15 minutes. He asked me a few questions, that are important to qualify and then he asked my husband why his sperm was so low and motility was not very efficient. My husband explains the reason why his sperm is so low is because his testicles did not descent on time, and his doctors waited too long and eventually had to do surgery..this is the reason. ( the reason why we are here for IVF).Then he asks us with all sincerity, what do you expect to get out of this first appointment. I say as blunt as possible.." well we want to do IVF ICSI." He says okay and says he will get the doctor. 10 minutes later  you come in and this is how you break the ice. .."hello I am your handshake just sits downs and doesn't wait for a response and continues to ask in the rudest way..what have you two been up to the last 15 years?  My husband stays calm and says, "what do you mean, I  do not understand your questions."  You, Doctor Ice then say, "well,...(pause).. why is your sperm so low?"  My husband explains again how his testies did not descend and there was surgery. As he explains, the interns says, " woops, I forgot to mention that". Yeah...and you doctor Ice looked like you put your foot in your mouth! Yeah you did!!! we let that slide. So then we are in the examining room. Not so fun for me to get a vaginal sonogram first day of my period. But luckily my husband was in the room, so I did not feel so alone. Okay a few complaints...while I went to the bathroom to empty my bladder, it would have been nice if you had some toilet paper in there. How much are we paying ...oh yeah..$30,000. ...can't you afford toilet paper?!! I have my pants off..and the lights are off..the mood is set..feeling comfortable. I am looking at my doctor and then realize the intern is lubing the strobe like thing..I realize..Dr Ice..your not doing it..your intern of no experience is going to play inside my uterus! Shit !!! Shit Shit!!!  Okay okay...I took some good deep breaths, I look over at my husband who before the  appointment we got in a huge fight at work. Doors slamming me calling him an asshole, him saying I am not going to the appointment kind of fight. Okay..when I looked at his face, he just had all is forgiven I love you look. That was good. But still, I was not looking forward to this process of the appointment. Okay...I am lying there and it kind of hurts..I have had this done never hurt before..just a little push and annoyance. So I let you know..this hurts a little. It was then that I realize, this guy has no idea what he is doing because you, Dr. Ice have to instruct and do every thing over that the intern is doing, making this process very very long and uncomfortable. Then the intern says...."that's a fibroid!" Yes your intern said with glee..that he found a fibroid. I hear you two both discussing how you don't think that is a fibroid and the intern is adamant he sees one. Then you two are checking your cell phones while you are pricking and prodding in my Uterus. I must say..this was an agonizing and humbling occasion to be had in front of my husband. Then I just can't take it any more and say in the most tiniest voice, " did I hear you say fibroid?". You say "I do not think there is one..we are checking. No, no there isn't one." Okay..a little sigh of relief and finally is it done. You two leave and I am left with my husband and we are seriously questioning if we made the right decision to have you as our doctor. Well...the rest of the visit was pretty quick you gave us an overview of the process and said a few encouraging things. But seemed like you two were annoyed and didn't want to be there. A few examples, when you berated one of you colleagues, and when you and your intern were frequently checking your phone texts messages. Seriously, there were so many unacceptable moments...I wanted to get up and walk out. So, with that said, I will give you another chance and keep in mind that you are a doctor, and not all great doctors have the best bed- side manners. Until we meet again.

Should I send this letter? no..I can't!


  1. when is your period due in feb. Think will be close to my ivf start date. yah!

  2. Ugh, that sounds terrible. Hopefully, he was just having a bad day and won't be such a douche next time.

  3. Oh this sucks! I'm so sorry your doc (and his intern!) was like this. Hopefully next time is much better.

  4. O my goodness, what an ordeal! I understand it's a teaching institution, but geeze! I went there 10 years ago for a dermatalogical issue - there were interns in the room, but never doing procedures.

    Thanks for your comments on my blog. You can download the Circle + Bloom guided imagery directly from their website.

    I think you'll definitely need the relaxation aspects!! Wow!