Monday, October 31, 2011

Update: My butt can't get any bigger! is one of those rants again. Last night I was brushing my teeth and I had to do it. Yes! I turned around. I did  it because I felt my pants were really tight. My pajama pants are always loose. I could give an excuse like..I just put them on after I did a double laundry load..30 minutes longer than usual..but this was feeling different. SO ...I did it. I turned around and I got the shock of my life!


Okay...I am pregnant..7 months...but really...I had no idea. I was shocked...I actually was nervousness. Why didn't anyone tell me. It is enormous!!!

So I walked into the bedroom to where my husband was lying down peacefully reading his book. I lye  down next to him and say, "why didn't you tell me my ass was so big."  He giggles..but that giggle...really bothered me. So then, I did it...what every women swears they would not do. I asked him, "my butt is big right?"

and guess what he said?????


I was mortified. My own husband is agreeing my ass is as big as a city!!!
 Okay...I ask him the same question a couple times..thinking he would so.."no really isn't that big are sexy..and I like it!!" None of that. He did not give me any bullshit. I wanted bullshit at that moment. But nothing..just got a big ass women!!( he did not say that...but it is implied)

I guess I can not do anything about this. This is where my weight goes..thighs belly and the butt.

as for other pregnancy happenings:

I am getting closer to my baby shower. It is in the beginning of far: someone has purchased on my registry a genie garbage to get the diaper stink away, a infant carseat, and a portable high chair.

This really is very exciting.

 I had a little mini nervous breakdown this weekend. It really was not a is just that every time I go baby shopping..I think of how much everything cost and if we will be able to do it..will I be home..will I go to work..what about the high price of daycare and baby sitters. It just gets me really stressed out. ... is not great for us..we get by..but we do not make a lot. I am very appreciative of family who have been gracious to get us any of the registry a stroller car seat and a crib. I was a little saddened that my brother and wife have not offered anything to us...but that is what it is. maybe they will.. but..the baby will be here in less than 3 months..and they have not brought over anything and never really talked to us about giving us anything. It has been weird. I have heard from other friends that their family gives them a ton of stuff..but here I am and my brother does not even call me. Family....whatever...

I have moved on. I had my little rant about it..but I am is what it is...I have faced it and I just can not depend on him.

to fun things: we have decided on a theme..well...three themes..and I believe it is driving my husband nuts.
 But here is the thing..I live in California, but I like everything in the UK. I love Beatrix potter theme...but you can only get everything on ebay or from companies in the UK! So frustrating. And I love kind of 20's style as well as vintage. You just can't get these kind of items at babysrus or target. I am very picky.

as for the pregnancy:

How far along: 29 weeks today

Symptomsa little heartburn...anxiety, lack of sleep, hard time breathing at night, pain when getting up after sitting, hard to get up in the middle of the night. My left foot is swollen by the end of the day. My feet hurt after walking or standing too long. I am getting more tired.  A little grumpy. Stuffy nose

Baby Related Purchases: nothing...just looking. My husband thinks if I were to buy something I would feel better...I just look and like..but I have not purchased anything. I feel like I am getting closer...but the room is still empty and that freaks me out.

Maternity clothes:  I finally bought maternity clothes...and ...I LOOK PREGNANT!  I will post a belly shot later this is so exciting. Before I was just wearing baggy sloppy clothes..but maternity clothes helps you look pregnant. It was great..especially last week for my 15 year  high school was awesome..I looked pregnant..and I was rubbing my was really sweet how everyone was coming up and rubbing my belly for luck and talking about their kids and their pregnancy. It was a great time.

Sleep:again..not a lot of I am tired and a little cranky through out the day. I pee just about 10 times a night..and it is hardly anything. That is frustrating. A few times I will go into the bathroom and nothing will come out....what is that about!!! left hip hurts from sleeping on it..because the doctor says no sleeping on your back or your right side. I wake up at night on my right side and my back..but the baby wakes me up kicking.

Best Moment of the Trimester:  watching little Alexander moving around while my husband and I watch! Ohhh..right now he gave a good kick. It is amazing to watch my belly move.. he has been very active. I can not wait to meet the little guy!!! 

 Strangest Moment: well... the movement. He is very active at times. Sometimes I have to squeeze my husbands arms because the movements shock me and is a little scary to see my belly moving around like in  the alien movie. Sorry..but it is a little strange!

 Movement: there is a lot. Especially at night after dinner. It is so fun. I really have no idea what is a punch kick or a roll. I have an idea what roll is..but it kind of feels like a pulling and one part of my belly will get really hard. A punch and a kick though..not really...but it makes me jump at times. My mom put her face to my belly and he kicked or punched her..that was funny. And my husband likes to put his face or hand and just feel the baby.

Cravings: nothing actually. That is not have any cravings...I have had too many pickles fingers are swollen. and I think that is why. I need to cut back on my pickle obsession.

Gender:  BOY

What I miss:  sleep..yep...a comfortable night sleep on my belly...drooling and all. I have not had a good night sleep in way too long. I miss sushi....and bagels. Since I have gestational diabetes..I have been sworn off yummy ice cream, cake, cookies, and bagels. Just typing this up infuriates me... moving on...

What I am looking forward to: meeting my little Alexander, sleeping well, getting one thing in the nursery, the baby shower, seeing my belly grow more. Going to my breastfeeding class..and swaddling class. Just sitting in my rocker singing to Alexander being able to kiss him and hold him in my arms

 Second Trimester) Wisdom: hmmm.. set your boundaries. If you are tired...let yourself take a day off or take that lots of pillows for your bed. Ask for help or get that massage that is needed. Buy maternity clothes...listen to that voice that vocalize it. This is a time when you may find yourself more willing to say no..and it feels empowering. If you need to will feel better afterwards..I promise.

Milestones: second week of Third trimester!! Almost 30 weeks. That means 9 more weeks until Alexander is here!! Because I must be induced at 39 weeks since I have gd. This freaks me out..but at the same time..being induced takes the out of control away..I will have an organized timely birth plan. That is good...I can plan the day..unless Alexander chooses to come earlier.   

Baby is measuring: 2.5 pounds, 15.25 inches long, a butternut squash. That is huge!!! in my belly!!!!

Monday, October 17, 2011

Giuliana Rancic has Breast Cancer

So very sad about Giuliana Rancic. She has undergone 3 rounds of IVF, a miscarriage, and now..breast Cancer. She is truly a strong person, and I wish her all the luck. Life is strange..sad sometimes. But she is so inspiring..she sees the positive in this saying..if she didn't do this IVF cycle..they would have never caught her early stages of cancer. 
I am really sad about this though. Does IVF homornes create breast cancer. I am curious about the side effects now. I will absolutely get an exam after I am done breast feeding or after the baby is born.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

On Insulin Now: Gestational Diabetes

Well.. you just  heard it..I am on Insulin at night because my Fasting numbers when I wake up are too  high. And to be honest, my other numbers breakfast and lunch are too high as well. I will go over  these issues with my doctor on the insulin shots will probably be increased. They started me off with a low dose any ways, in fear of that it is not working, I will be probably pumped with more insulin.I think because of IVf, with all the shots with the lupron and menupur..I am fine with the shots..they are not painful or scary at all. Especially with the progesterone inch and a half in the bumm, these are nothing compared to those monsters...ouch..and what a pain in othe ass literally. So...I will just focus o the positive right now..and wait until MOnday to talk to the rude doctors. Oh wait..let me just rant one more negative..because I really need to get this off my chest:

The doctors at my HMO ( Kaiser-San Francisco) have really kind of pissed me off. There are two kinds of drugs yu can take for gestational diabetes.  oral( glyburide) or insulin (shots) If you go to or just type it in google..there are so many reason not to take it. It passes the placenta, the manufacturer recommends not to use it during pregnancy. Many doctors and hospitals do not allow it during pregnancy, and often does not work and you have to eventually go on insulin..oh..and it has no long term studies. Insulin on the other hand has been on the market for decades, there are many studies, and it works quicker.

So, I have my regular obgyn, she says I am sending you to another doctor to give you information on the two options, so I will not see you for this monthly appointment. I go and see him, and he saying bluntly I do not know anything about this medicine, but Kaiser would not offer  any meds that would harm you. Okay..I say thank you for your info, I want insulin...goodbye.

Then I go to the next appointment they set me up with( the high risk team of 10 doctors that I will be now seeing, They inform me that I will not be seeing my old doctor I have seen for 10 years, and have been seeing me since I was pregnant.( I am feeling in one way yes..they are going to monitor me more..but no my old when I got pregnant form UCSF from IVF...and they just said..there you go..good luck. There is just no closure or connection with any of these doctors.

 So, I see literally 5 doctors the following two hours. The first doctor comes in and tells me why Glyburide is really good. I say, I have made up my mind with insulin, but she still goes on. Then she says how my baby can die and get really big so I will have to be induced at 39 weeks or if the baby is really big, there will have to be a c-section. this point I am feeling extremely vulnerable and just pissed off they are scaring me. MInd you..I saw a dietician they gave me a diet...and my blood levels are still very high when I wake up. Now this week, my blood levels are high almost every meal and I am eating what they told me to eat and I am on insulin..yes...I am totally freaking out. go on with this 5 doctor 2 hour doctors appointment on Friday:

the first doctor comes in and tells me about the glyburide and then says, oh here is your doctor actual doctor, we shake hands and she then comes in with a study report about glyburide. I  say Again, I  have decided on Insulin, she says, well..I just want to go over this with you. She was not respecting me at all. After 10 minutes of wasting my time, I interrupt and say, is there a difference between the effect between the two. She says, let me finish. She does for another 5 minutes ad then says no. There is no difference. I say thank you.. but I want insulin. She has the nerve to ask why. Why are all these doctors pushing this drug? She then proceeds to tell me how if I do not get a flu shot...I can die. I am so pissed off at this point..that I say no thank you..and wait for her to leave. we then go and see a dietician, who treats me like I do not know servings. As if it is my fault my sugar numbers are high. is because I am doing everything right and I have gestational diabetes. But I bite my tongue and go with it. Then, they send me to a person to go over the insulin shots. She comes in and the first words she utters are my last patient I am retiring today. Well... yeah...she so did not seem to care.. ..she was such a bad teacher. Thank god I learned from UCSF for the IVF, I would have been screwed!! So...then I have been home following the plan, injecting the insulin and nothing has changed. Sometimes after my meals it works, but the fasting in the morning is the same.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

On to Medication For GD

So, on it goes. This is a very angry rant! I am so angry!!!!!!!! My Gestational Diabetic  Diet
After 5 days of my diet and exercise the dietician told me to eat, I am having horrible numbers for my fasting numbers, which means I eat a snack at 9pm, wake up at 6am and test my numbers. It is too high. and increasing. So..after 5 days..I have to go in today and talk to a doctor about taking insulin shots or oral meds. I have no info on any of this information. I heard the oral meds are not good. somehow they cross the placenta. I don't know..I have been pouting and crying the last few days. I am so pissed after 100 injections for IVF, now I have to get the shots they say it takes a while.

I am just so flustered,...and feel out of control. I can not get into all my emotions...because I am at work..all I know is as soon as I get into my car..I will have a good cry!

I will update what my new doctor says this afternoon.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

I have Gestational Diabetes

I am going to be a dramatic women for the next couple of days. I am a nervous wreck for my baby...I do not care if I have to eat nasty food..I just want my blood level correct so my baby is healthy. I have done so much. Sooo sooo soo much to have this baby..and now..I feel extremely guilty. I feel if I was not not would be fine. The doctors warned me that I was prediabetic. I lost 35 pounds before the IVF..but it is staring me in the face. I have to live with this and I have to have thoughts in my head that are only positive..because I want my baby Alexander to be healthy. I am typing this at work and doing everything I can to hold back these tears.

So today...I am going to my machine and learn to use it. Not looking forward to being a pin cushion again!

then tomorrow..I have a 9:30am appointment with a dietician.

Right now...I am just really upset.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

I did not faint!!! Yay ME~

Thanks to all of you who have been so supportive. I am still waiting on my gestational diabetes test results. But I did it!!

I did not faint..even though I Got my blood taken 4 times in 3 hours! is called the 3 hour glucose test. It sounds so nice and sweet..but it is not. I got my blood taken at 8, 9, 10, and 11 am!! and  got to taste a very sweet drink that I had to guzzle down in 5 minutes. Even though it really was not something I would ever want to do ever again in my was survivable.

But I am so proud I did not faint. I am seriously going to soon as I get some energy. MY energy is gone right now. ANd the baby..he is a little calm..not a lot of kicking lately.

Anyways...thanks again for being so supportive. I need it:) 

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

3 Hour Glucose test Wednesday!

Well...tomorrow is my 3 hour glucose test. Tonight at 10:30 to 11;30 I will have a half sandwich  and a glass of milk. Then not eat anything else. I will go in Wednesday Morning at 8am they will take my blood. Then, I will drink a sugar really taste not bad..but after an starts to make me feel sick. Oh...and I have to drink it in 5 minutes time. Then an hour later I get another blood test. Then, another hour, another blood test. Then, one hour later, a blood test. That is a whole lot of blood test. I do not want to faint. is my anxiety.

 I have fainted many times before. Some of the ladies that have taken my blood are not good. But...I will breathe, I will deal with this..because I have a baby that is counting on me to be strong. I just have a lot of fear. I was thinking, maybe this is all a test. A test to see how strong I am. I am challenged in my life with pain. Not that I have had a ton of pain, some have had so much more pain than I have. But pain is a weakness of mine and I do not deal with it correctly. I get nervous, and think of all the horrible things that could happen, my stomach gets full of butterflies and my throat gets all dry and I start to sweat. It really is a mind thing that creates a physical thing. There are some great skilled people that can draw blood. And if they are not the best, I am not going to die from it, nor is it that painful. Yes...what gets me is the out of control feeling. But in reality, I have been through far worse. The 69 progesterone shots that were an inch and a half. I can handle this, and the sooner the better right. I need to know if I am diabetic because I need to take care of my baby. I just need to remember to breathe correctly and not panic while the blood is being taken.

 I have also been having anxiety dreams. A few nights ago I had a dream I was back in the Ivf process and I got pregnant then lost it from a miscarriage. I woke up really sad..then last night I had a dream I fell down on my back. I woke up at 2:30 from this dream and tried to calm myself..I just said..this is a sign that well.I have to pay very careful of my surroundings.

On a more positive baby shower has been picked for Dec 4. The due date is Jan. 17th, so the 4th of December seemed perfect. I would have picked earlier in November, but the holidays are around that time, and people have company and getting ready for cooking and family coming over. So here is my dilemma, I have not done anything for my registry at all. I was thinking, my husband and I look it over this weekend and by Monday...write a little note about the registry for each invite with the website. Or I can write the three websites that  have chosen for a registry and say..something like, by November1st..the list on the registry will be available.  Not sure, but I just get so overwhelmed with the registry.

List for the registry:
my mother in law is getting the stroller- so that is off the list
my mom got the crib and mattress- so that is off the list

So I think possible list options:
bassinet, bottles, breastpumo( my mom said not to put that on..too personal),
diapers, wipes, carseat- but..I have heard of the 2 or 3 in one stroller+carseat,
swaddles, rocker, changing table, diaper genie, motion glider, rock on,  baby carrier, burp cloths, bottles, high chair, or portable high chair, white noise machine, baby bedding, night light, baby bathtub, baby wash soap, baby monitor, first aid kit, bulb syringe, digital thermometer, baby scissors and clippers, baby friendly laundry detergent,

whoa..that is a lot of stuff..but of all different prices.  Not really sure if I should pick from  Baby r US, or there is where it is an online store where you can pick from many different websites. Still confused what to do...and so many options for each thing. It might just be easier to go to one store an pick everything from that store. But for now..I will fantasize about everything:)