Sunday, April 24, 2011

Roller Coasters, Triggers, and Awards!

Yayayayayayyayaya!!! Estradiol level is at 2231. My retrieval is on Tuesday at 9:30am!! My trigger shot is at 9:30pm tonight. Is this painful? I am a little nervous, but mostly so excited. AHHHH!!! I want this baby so much! I want this baby maybe too much. I get scared and start weeping because I fear the negative. I just keep telling myself to be grateful for the science and medicine that is helping me achieve this family I have wanted since I was a child. And...I so want to create a family and child for my husband and parents. I want to be able share the joys of watching my child with their grandparents. I feel I may just die inside if I do not get to share this joy. Baby or not, I am so grateful that I had the resources financially to do this. A lot of other couples have to wait years to be able pay for such a procedure without insurance. And when I feel sad for myself..I think..:

It really could be.

I have a husband that loves me till death do us part. He loves me with all my faults. He is patient and well..he is so wonderful and helpful. My parents care about me and friends and bloggers rooting for me. I love this life of mine, pain and all. Again...I have to say how much I appreciate all your comments and encouragements. I am so grateful for this blogging community. Some of you have really inspired me. There are funny bloggers that have had me laugh so hard and have cheered me up on a raining or stormy day. There are some bloggers that I can relate with so much, I feel like if I met them, we would instantly become best friends. Then there are the bloggers that give me strength.

These bloggers that give me strength by sharing their stories that make me shocked and bewildered at how much they have gone through and still have the strength to keep on keeping on.  When I have gone to their blogs for strength, I am reminded if they can do this, once, twice, three times..or even SIX times: then I can do this!

I am also happy with myself because I did not faint today or yesterday. Both blood tests were very uncomfortable, but I worked through the fear and pain and did not faint, thanks to a few tips from chinadoll. I can not express how happy and proud I am after a blood test when I don't faint. It is very close to a roller coaster. You wait in line and your stomach starts feeling all bubbly and your mouth starts to dry. You feel like you have to pee. You try to drink some water, but it makes your feel nauseous. Then you get in the seat, and you know it is going to be scary. You start going on the ride, and your heart starts to go faster. It gets scary and at the top of the roller coaster, you know it is about to get real scary..and you start to go..there is no where else to go but to let go!

Ahhh.letting go!!! This is the best feeling,because you know finally it is done. You can breath clear and with ease. You can comfortable drink or eat without feeling uncomfortable. This is the roller coaster of my IVF process.  This roller coaster of fear, pain, joy, and elation. Okay..this roller coaster of trigger is tonight. And then another roller coaster for the retrieval, transfer, and then PIO. It never really ends does it! :)

Thank you for my Award!! This has made my day!!!

Thank you KrissiChina doll, and Andrea
 Here is the award and fun details when you get the award:
Here's how it works:

Winners grab the image above and put it in your blog. Link back to the person who gave you it. Tell 10 things about yourself. Award 15 recently discovered bloggers. 
Contact the bloggers you have awarded to let them know they have won. 

I hate picking because really I am addicted to so many blogs..let's see..

10 things about myself:
1)I secretly wish I could be a famous song writer
2) I love yams, especially with cinnamon and salt
3) my favorite time of the year is November
4) I used to be horribly addicted to facebook
5) my favorite place to visit is Maui
6) I dream of visiting Greece
7) I love fettuccine with Pesto sauce
8) When I was younger I only wore pink and purple( it stopped at age 10)
9) I am extremely close with my mom and best friend from junior high(we call each other or text each other every day)
10) When I drive in my car, I sing and dance.

please click on:

and get a great ribbon to from one of my favorite bloggers:)