Sunday, April 24, 2011

Roller Coasters, Triggers, and Awards!

Yayayayayayyayaya!!! Estradiol level is at 2231. My retrieval is on Tuesday at 9:30am!! My trigger shot is at 9:30pm tonight. Is this painful? I am a little nervous, but mostly so excited. AHHHH!!! I want this baby so much! I want this baby maybe too much. I get scared and start weeping because I fear the negative. I just keep telling myself to be grateful for the science and medicine that is helping me achieve this family I have wanted since I was a child. And...I so want to create a family and child for my husband and parents. I want to be able share the joys of watching my child with their grandparents. I feel I may just die inside if I do not get to share this joy. Baby or not, I am so grateful that I had the resources financially to do this. A lot of other couples have to wait years to be able pay for such a procedure without insurance. And when I feel sad for myself..I think..:

It really could be.

I have a husband that loves me till death do us part. He loves me with all my faults. He is patient and well..he is so wonderful and helpful. My parents care about me and friends and bloggers rooting for me. I love this life of mine, pain and all. Again...I have to say how much I appreciate all your comments and encouragements. I am so grateful for this blogging community. Some of you have really inspired me. There are funny bloggers that have had me laugh so hard and have cheered me up on a raining or stormy day. There are some bloggers that I can relate with so much, I feel like if I met them, we would instantly become best friends. Then there are the bloggers that give me strength.

These bloggers that give me strength by sharing their stories that make me shocked and bewildered at how much they have gone through and still have the strength to keep on keeping on.  When I have gone to their blogs for strength, I am reminded if they can do this, once, twice, three times..or even SIX times: then I can do this!

I am also happy with myself because I did not faint today or yesterday. Both blood tests were very uncomfortable, but I worked through the fear and pain and did not faint, thanks to a few tips from chinadoll. I can not express how happy and proud I am after a blood test when I don't faint. It is very close to a roller coaster. You wait in line and your stomach starts feeling all bubbly and your mouth starts to dry. You feel like you have to pee. You try to drink some water, but it makes your feel nauseous. Then you get in the seat, and you know it is going to be scary. You start going on the ride, and your heart starts to go faster. It gets scary and at the top of the roller coaster, you know it is about to get real scary..and you start to go..there is no where else to go but to let go!

Ahhh.letting go!!! This is the best feeling,because you know finally it is done. You can breath clear and with ease. You can comfortable drink or eat without feeling uncomfortable. This is the roller coaster of my IVF process.  This roller coaster of fear, pain, joy, and elation. Okay..this roller coaster of trigger is tonight. And then another roller coaster for the retrieval, transfer, and then PIO. It never really ends does it! :)

Thank you for my Award!! This has made my day!!!

Thank you KrissiChina doll, and Andrea
 Here is the award and fun details when you get the award:
Here's how it works:

Winners grab the image above and put it in your blog. Link back to the person who gave you it. Tell 10 things about yourself. Award 15 recently discovered bloggers. 
Contact the bloggers you have awarded to let them know they have won. 

I hate picking because really I am addicted to so many blogs..let's see..

10 things about myself:
1)I secretly wish I could be a famous song writer
2) I love yams, especially with cinnamon and salt
3) my favorite time of the year is November
4) I used to be horribly addicted to facebook
5) my favorite place to visit is Maui
6) I dream of visiting Greece
7) I love fettuccine with Pesto sauce
8) When I was younger I only wore pink and purple( it stopped at age 10)
9) I am extremely close with my mom and best friend from junior high(we call each other or text each other every day)
10) When I drive in my car, I sing and dance.

please click on:

and get a great ribbon to from one of my favorite bloggers:)


  1. YAYAYAYAYAY!!! I'm so excited for you to be triggering tonight!! Yipppe!!! I'll be thinking about you on Tues. It's going to be great, I can feel it! :)

    Oh, and I'm still addicted to Facebook, and embarrassed to admit that I play Citiville, teehee.

  2. Woooooooo Hoooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!1 I'm so excited for you! It's all downhill from here...easy peasy, nothing to worry about!!! Can't wait for you to be holding that baby in your arms!!!

    Thanks for the award!!! XOXO!!

  3. woohoo for triggering! and for your upcoming days hopefully...if the PIO shots scare you, ask about using prescription cream--it's a topical lidocaine and the ONLY way i was able to do them at all! I wouldn't do ice...cold makes oil not run well; in fact, i always ran the syringe (not the whole vial) under warm water to help the oil disperse better in me and not pool (thus i didn't have the horror stories of lumps and bruises too badly).

  4. ooh....and thanks for award too :):)

  5. Hi from ICLW! Sending well wishes for your upcoming retrieval!! How wonderful! I hope you get a bunch of a healthy eggs!

  6. Oh how exciting to be triggering!!! I'm so proud of you for getting through all this!!! And thanks for the award - you're so sweet!

  7. So excited for you!! Hope to be joining you sometime later this week...
    And, confession time... I reread my comment on your last post and wasn't actually giving a tip for how not to faint! But realised now it might read that way.. but heh, if it works, go with it! xx

  8. good luck with retrieval, cant wait to hear how many eggs you get!

  9. congrats on the great numbers! trigger shots are a piece of cake! no problem! (if you are doing Ovidril, the subcutaneous one.. otherwise it may be an intramuscular shot of HCG...which aren't as fun, but not terrible).

    i totally understand the fear of the negative. it's always there, but fearing it is not going to change the outcome, so try to just focus on the present moment and ride this wave... you're right, it could be way worse and you CAN do this.

    thanks so much for the award! my favorite time of year is November too! were you born then?... omg, and PESTO!!!! yum.

  10. YAY! Good luck! How did you cure your facebook addiction? Cold turkey? I think I have that problem!

  11. YAY!!!!! Such amazing numbers!! I was so happy to read this update when I got back. Everything crossed for you, and welcome to the TWW!

    Thank you so much for the nomination. You really deserve that award. I loooove fettuccini with pesto too :)

  12. Thanks for the mention and the award.

    Great that you could manage those feelings and not faint this time. I so recognize what you are describing!