I am back..yes I have taken a little break from blogging. It has been a little rough for a while. I still feel like I am climbing up a mountain. Everyday so far has been a challenge. From blood tests, to fighting with my doctors for blood tests results, my husbands veins too small, getting money for IVF, figuring out lots of things that are behind my knowledge. But I just want to say how appreciative and helpful your comments have been. I feel so blessed to have found this community. I do not know what I would do without you all. From the friends, moms, moms to be, the experienced ones, the wise bloggers, the funny bloggers, the bloggers that are just about to go through their first, second, third, or even fourth cycle..or more, and the ones who have tried, lost, and then try again! You all..I admire you! Such strength and perseverance! I get so much strength from all of you.
A few things that are coming up for me. One of the blood tests showed my thyroid to be too high. I already take medicine for my hypothyroidism, but I guess it is not working. It is almost a 5..and UCSF wants it to be a 1. So I have been taking a higher dose for the last 5 days. I must say, I am much more chipper. I forgot how my thyroid level really does a number on my mood. I am much more relaxed. I am happy for that. As the number slowly goes to level one, I worry I will become too anxious. The number 1 for thyroid is pretty close to hyperthyroidism. We will see. Maybe it will help me lose a little more weight though.
Another issue is that I am depending on my mom to help me financially to pay for IVF. Lately, when we talk..it is not about feelings or how we are doing. It is about numbers and how much. I feel she has given me an attitude or a guilt trip. I know it is a lot of money..and I feel guilty that I am dependent on my mother to pay for such a hefty amount. But she offered, I took the offer..and now..the guilt is coming. But the guilt from me is already there..she has added to it with the attitude..like, " Thank you mom for helping me make a baby"
she says, yeah..aha..gotta go". I do not know know about any of you, but that sounds like attitude, and now I feel like I owe her and have to apologize because whenever we talk , the subject comes up she says it is really a lot of money. I tell her, fine, if it is creating a problem, then lets hold out or I can get a loan. The whole thing really makes me sad and sick to my stomach. I just wish I could do this naturally. I never thought making a baby would be putting my mom out financially. I feel so guilty.
On the upside, I am taking a break from Facebook. The whole facebook should be called babybook. It is really about everyone's babies! hahaha. That is at least what my husband says. he is so funny. I guess you had to be there. But haven't you noticed lately..at least for us 30 year olds. You go on facebook and everyone is showing their babies. I do love it..but only to a minimum. I am not judging them at all though..the babies are pretty cute. And you can betcha I am so going to show how cute my baby is once I get mine!!!
WELL...THAT IT IS FOR NOW...
looks like my next period in February around the 10th, I will starts the meds!! I have never in my life looked forward to getting my period!! I am so excited to get my period!!!
