Wednesday, November 30, 2011

First Trip To Labor and Delivery

Yep..went to the labor and delivery today. Still in a bit of shock. Just realized how fragile this little one is, how I am not prepared for the baby to come home yet..and how much I love him.  I have cried a few times...and nothing even really happened..he is fine!

Since I have Gestational diabetes, you must be in the high risk department of obgyn. One part of that process is at 32 weeks, you are mandated to go weekly to and after 35 weeks  you go biweekly to get nst.

 NST: Non stress tests. They monitor your babies heart beat, and they also monitor you contractions. By monitoring your contractions, they monitor by putting the tool to gather info about contractions at the top of your uterus.

So..what they look for is within 20 minutes to see your baby move..and within those movements the baby's heart rate to accelerate from the movement and then to go back to normal two times.

So..last week..everything went fine. He did it once, and then at 20 minutes the nurse put a little buzzer to my belly..and little Alexander did it again.

This time..was different. I asked the women for water..but she never got it for me..this gets the baby moving every time. I was a little annoyed with the women..she seemed really confused and overwhelmed. Well..20 30 minutes went by and she would pop in and still sleeping. And then she just kept buzzing the thing on my belly. I was getting really annoyed because I thought maybe she is scaring my baby and why is she not getting me my water and not telling me what is going on..why has it been 45 minutes.

So...eventually..she looks all panicked and says..let me bring this paper to the doctors to evaluate.

She comes back and explains that..Alexander's heartbeat decelerated when I had a contraction.

OKAy......and then she said you have to go to the hospital to labor and delivery. can imagine heart dropped and I went into panic mode. I was by I tried to be calm... I had my kindle and as I eventually got to the hospital room, got in my hospital bed, all vulnerable in my robe, I waited patiently  for the doctor to come.

Eventually after three hours of monitoring the  baby...he was good. All good accelerations with his heartbeat...he was moving around, I ate a little and drank lots of ice water.

The doctor did eventually tell me..after looking over all the deceleration and then the present acceleration beats and ultrasound that everything looks good. She said the deceleration may have just been the baby doing something to the cord..but maybe not. 

I have to say, I am a little shaken by the hole thing. Rushing to Labor and delivery..waiting and getting no response from worried faces from nurses and doctors. Sitting by myself for 4 hours..worried from another doctor saying if the deceleration occurs again they will have to induce contractions.

Just glad it is over and worried a little about  Alexander being stressed out.

I am here at work for another few hours..really not here in my body though...I feel emotionally drained.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Award Love:)

I  am excited to get an award....from one of my favorite blogger buddies Miss Mac, from MAC and PC:) I have found her blog to be so helpful in my journey of IF. She is one of the original blogs I have been following since I found out my husband and I were challenged with conceiving over a year ago. It was a hard time and I was frightened of the unknown process IVF was taking us through.  I would turn on my computer and MISS Mac would always give me words of encouragement..and I would go into her archives and find so much great informative posts into taking the pio shots, and many other issues in this emotional roller coaster we all go through.

 here are my five choices that have followed me and I have followed them this whole process of iVF and now I through my 8 months of Pregnancy:)

1) Dreaming of Babies
2) Baby On my mind
3) Alex
4) The Rocky road to Motherhood
5) Here I go thinking again

Here's how to spread the Liebster Love:  

  • Copy and paste the award on your blog
  • Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you
  • Reveal your top 5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
  • Hope that your followers will spread the love to other bloggers

Need MIlk: A great post from a blog Buddy

From one of my favorite blogger buddies, The Rocky Road to Motherhood:
she has found a great organization called Human Milk for Human Babies. She connected with her local chapter on Facebook and was then put in touch with local moms and babies looking for milk.

This is a great informative help mothers who
 might be adopting a newborn, or having issue with breast feeding might want to look into it.  Also if you have a frozen milk supply you might want to look into it as well.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Am I wrong to Complain?

I hope everyone had a fun Thanksgiving. I was also my it was very warm and sweet. Since I have gestational diabetes..I was worried about what I was going to eat. Well..I ate everything..little bites of all my favorite foods( sweet potato..stuffing, and pecan pie!,..yum). And my blood sugar was  was good. I contribute me running around chasing my 2 year old niece to the good health. She is so adorable. I got lots of cards and a prenatal massage from my husband. It was so good. The Claremont Resort and Spa in Berkeley gives the best massages..if you live in California or ever visit..I promise if you book an appointment at the Claremont resort and will Thank me:)

 I got the kindle from my sweet! I love it. You can get magazines( not too many of a selection) but still...I can read the paper, read a book, and read upon a few recipes..very cool!

Thank you for your sweet comments on my last post...I love this community so much!

 As for someone asking me to give more info around the gestational diabetes..I will work on that. I feel so overwhelmed with it, and really there is not a lot of info or blogs for the GD community. SO I will either do a seperate blog..or just do a few long posts. Still thinking how I want to go about it.

Strange moment of the Week:
 I was in the Joanne's craft store getting decorations for the holidays with my husband, and a women without asking put her hand on my belly and asked "how long? Rubb for good luck!" it was so awkward and I was in shock..I just started laughing!! I said..oh one has ever done that before...she then asked...."your pregnant right?" She asked that after the fact!!! Anyways..I was shocked first, and then excited that people in public can tell I am pregnant not just chubby...but then a couple minutes later..I got a little annoyed. I never said strangers can come up and touch my body without asking! It is actually kind of rude. As for family members..fine...for the most part..but not strangers!

As for symptoms: I have a few more!! My hands are swelling. I am 33 going into my 8 and 1/2 months of pregnancy. I believe this is a normal thing. But gosh it really hurts. I have to admit..I am getting sick of myself complaining. On mom wanted my help with ideas for shopping for food, gifts, party supplies for the baby shower this coming Sunday. So from 11am to 6pm I was mostly on my feet walking and standing in line. it hurt so bad. My hands were so swollen they felt tight and tingly and like they were going to cut off. My feet were swollen and I had pins and needles. I was tired and well. My grumpyness got really bad in baby store..babyrus. I feel so guilty..but here is my confession:

 My mom, husband, and I are in the babyrus..we went there to find a doll for one of the games. Well..I am having  boy..but all they had in the doll section were girl dolls. There was one boy... but it said 3+ and it was $30. My mom said..lets just get a we can give it away to her other granddaughter afterward. I was getting so pissy. complaining that I am having a boy...we can not get  girl. It got a little heated. Okay...I am laughing about it now..but I was pissed in the store. ) Are you kidding me!) I can be so ridiculous. I was absolutely out of mind complaining to my husband around the corner saying my mom is just doing this for her granddaughter My husband had to give me a hard lecture later saying I was being very grumpy and selfish..because my mom is paying and getting so many things for this baby shower. I guess I is just a baby shower..why are we playing 10 games that all cost all this money..and why is she spending 100's of dollars. I was also complaining that my mom asked me to help with everything, and I will not be surprised by anything with this baby shower! And I am not getting a cake! And months earlier, my mom was complaining that in the Jewish faith, it is taboo to have a baby shower before the baby is born! Bottom I appreciate her so much. The fact that she is throwing me a fun fabulous!!! Whether is will be a crazy tata party or friends and family are there to welcome my little Alexander..and it will be very sweet.. because of the people and the joy and effort my mom has put into this party. I get a little feeling like she is showing off a little, but that is my mom. really..I would be fine with 10 people and a quiet day with a few presents and some simple food Instead..there are 25 people coming, 10 games, a tone of food that is catered...and we wrapped presents for everyone.  is what it is..and I am excited to be a part of it..oh, other thing that is real strange:
hardly anyone is buying off the registry...and I have not received anything. I hear this is common..people just buy what they want! Why!!!! This is a baby shower not a birthday party. I know..I need to be just appreciative the fact they are showing their love and all..but I am not rich by any means. I actually need all the things on my registry. I just hope they get a gift I do not just have 25 onsies:)

 I hate the way this all husband says I sound like a spoiled brat. Maybe I do...and maybe I am...I will have to look at that. I am real self absorbed, I can fess up to that. Maybe it is the lack of sleep, or the pain I am feeling in my hands, feet, and peeing all the time. I am a real grump. I have come so far to be the most grateful person to have this baby growing inside me..and all I do lately is complain about this and that. I have to work on being appreciative. I mean..don't get me wrong..I am aware of how good I have it..I just feel I have been complaining a whole lot. I have been more emotional lately too.
case in point:
 I was driving to my massage Friday on the Freeway and I looked to my right and I saw the golden gate bridge with the most beautiful sunset. The sky was pink..and it was so beautiful! I started tearing up! Yeah..the hormones are strong right about now:)

Things I love and what I appreciate:
I love watching Alexander move in my belly. My belly is getting bigger because he is getting bigger and stronger! Yesterday morning he kicked right near my ribs. He has never done that before. It still tickles when he moves arounds..oh...and he has been getting hiccups a lot He must be preacticting swallowing:)
  When you have gestational have to get a non stress test..once a week..and after 3 weeks..twice a week. basically you have to monitor for 20 minutes your baby's heart beat and your contractions, the amniotic fluid, his heartbeat. His heart beat must go up twice and then go down twice within 20 minutes Within the 20 minutes he did it they did a little vibration and that got him moving. I felt a little bad..but they said it does not affect the baby.

 Then I felt a movement above  my belly I often feel, like a hardness. I always thought it was ALexander's butt or foot..pushing..but nope! The doctor said that is a contraction! I had no idea!! holy moley!!!!! I guess these are braxton hicks..just practice runs. They are not painful...but you can really feel the tightness. I in for it with labor!! Freaking out just a little bit!!

This week...after the shower..I will post pictures of the nursery...we got a few things done..but I want to wait to show you the pictures with the finished product!

I hope you all are doing okay:)

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Looking back at my IVF Process: 31 weeks pregnant

31 weeks this week! I am one more week away from going into my 8th month. I never thought I would get here. I really never did. It feels like just a few weeks ago, I was searching for the reason why I could not get pregnant. The blame and the guilt, and the jealousy was really hard. I was listening to Ben Harper on Sunday. It brought me back to memories when I was getting all the the biopsies, and seeing lots of doctors. My brother and his wife and parent's were basking in the joys of their new child. Every time I would go to facebook, I would learn of a new friend or relative who was announcing their pregnancy. I started this blog because I found others who were suffering as I was.

Suffering:  I was in so much pain. I was crying everyday. And the days that were hard: were the days I heard relatives and friends got pregnant. I would go into the bathroom  and cry for a good hour. I was done for the day. The days I got my period after trying with opk sticks and voodoo dolls, and so forth...the day I would get my period was like someone had died. It was very painful emotionally. The physical pain of my period at the time were minute compared to the emotional pain and guilt I put on myself.

Then came the uncomfortable looks of pity from family and friends who knew what I was going through. I love my mom dearly, but she told everyone what I was dealing with. So, I could not escape it. It could have been in my head, but I do not think so.

Then the trip to the fertility department. That was a hard day. Because when you start trying for a takes a strong person to admit..okay, we tried everything, now we need doctors to intervene. At this point, my body was not mine anymore. In many ways, I felt violated. I can not count how many doctors saw me vulnerable and naked. It was not a good time in my life, and I have to admit, I was very grumpy. My husband and I were fighting, and we both felt extremely guilty and inadequate.

Then we found out what happened. My body was healthy, but not my husband's. This was very sad for him. And I had to be very patient. His sperm was not dead, but not strong enough to make a baby naturally. The words:

IVF is the only solution.

This was so hard to hear. In one way it was a relief. Okay...we can stop suffering and move on...there is a solution..and we know what to do. But it was very scary.

We learned about all the needles. It seemed so painful and grueling....

It was. It was painful, it was consistently stressful, and it was frightening.

But we did it..because we wanted a baby...and it was not so painful that it was unmanagable. The hardest part was the  1 and 1/2 needle of progesterone I had to put in my butt cheek  about 95 times. This was not fun...every night. Then there was the 2 week wait. This was emotionally hard. You think it is hard waiting for those two weeks when you try naturally, try putting huge amount of hormones in your body, surgery, 10 doctors looking at your private parts, get your blood taken everyday for a couple weeks, and put in 15 to 20 thousand dollars, and then wait for two weeks if everything is going to work out..while at the same time shooting our butt cheeks with an inch and a half needle every night.

So after everything...I became pregnant. And I will never forget it. I am so thankful for this blog so that I had a place to express myself, and one day I can read it myself. As well..and all the support I received while going through this process. all you girls suffered with me and and gave me support. I cried with you when things went wrong, I laughed and rejoiced when your got your BFP!  

I have realized it is okay that most of my followers have dwindled down because well..the audience has changed. I feared this would happen..but I have accepted it. And I understand it. When I was going through IVF  and trying to conceive, I blocked so many family and friends when they said they were pregnant. But now, that is my life...

It comes with the territory. I get a few comments...and I so appreciate them. I love hearing when you all get your bfp..but for the longest time..I could not hear any bad news regarding IVF or trying to conceive. I feared so much.

I stopped reading most posts about most pregnancy or trying to conceive blogs. Everyday, especially during the first trimester I feared I would miscarry. This was not something that was little or that I was neurotic. I had blood one day..and I had to got to the er. Everything was fine, but I found out later that day that my mom had never told me that she had miscarried after she had me. Then every time I told someone I was pregnant, they were telling me of someone they knew or worked with that had a miscarriage. I turned on the news, and some celebrity had a miscarriage. Then, I would turn on my computer and read about a miscarriage in this community. It was too painful and scary for words. I just kind of  stopped blogging and wrote a few times a month. Plus, the first trimester really gets you tired and well morning sickness takes a hold.

But since the second trimester I have been blogging more and learned of so many happy stories. Some sad..And I cried reading them..and I hope with all good thoughts that many of you one day get your baby no matter how you do it..I know you will. 

Can I tell you how happy I am to see all the pregnant bellies that I have followed through their pregnancies. I am so happy for so many of you who have struggled and now have given birth or have shared their beautiful nurseries, and the beautiful bellies. You are all so beautiful. 

As for my 31 weeks update:

two things.

This baby is healthy! You know how I know..HE WON'T STOP MOVING!!!

seriously...he won't. I can not sleep. That is the one draw back..but I guess this little boy is getting me ready for reality...I went to a breastfeeding class..and well..I have to feed him every every two hours for the first month. 
I never knew how extensive breastfeeding was. It is an art. Very interesting how the baby's saliva tells your body what kind of milk to produce. Very interesting how the baby will be more likely to like one boob than the other or one position because of how he or she was positioned in the womb. All very interesting how natural everything is. But how not natural breastfeeding can be. 

I guess I will learn..I think I am a little nervous. I hope I will be maternal and natural with the baby. I think there is a lot of pressure with breastfeeding. I am nervous my milk will not come in. But I will try to go with the flow. 

I am off to reading your blogs now:)