So, it begins!
I am spotting. Yes. I just wrote that. But it is true. The spotting has begun, and soon, my Aunt Flow will be here. I will then take my birth control pills, and wait to get my cycle list of medication. I am so excited, I can hardly contain myself!! This will be my very first cycle.
Questions in my head:
How long is a cycle?
Why did my doctor order one dispense and three refills of Desogen(birth control pills)?- does that mean it is three months? too long!
Well, I called my husband and everyone I know screaming with excitement that my period is coming. They all kind of giggled and went with it.
I have a little fear. The needles, the menopause reaction, the side effects. At this moment I feel like it is all worth it. I am sure I will be singing a different story in a few weeks. I am also concerned I will gain weight on the hormones. I guess, I will try to workout as much as I can during this cycle. This is my first cycle, I am really want to keep Positive and think baby thoughts through this time of babymaking!!!
THERE IS SO MUCH PRESSURE!!
I have been not blogging for a while. It has been a few weeks. My family and I have been going through some pretty dramatic stuff. I am refocusing on creating my family, and they will have to go through the drama mainly by themselves. They can not always lean on me and make me the mediator. They will survive without me. I am not able to deal with the stressor...nor do I want to be part of it anymore anyways. I love my family, I really do, but sometimes I think, they like the drama.
I guess the last straw was when I was over at my mom's and my brother and his child(his 14 month old daughter) were there. I was playing with the child and later that night I gave her a bath. All through this time( a two hour period of time) my niece was saying daddy , daddy. And her dad( my brother) was ignoring her. I kept saying, you daughter wants you, she is calling your name. Well, after about the third time, with his daughter knocking at the bathroom door and my yelling out, your daughter is at the door...he came in yelling at me. He said, "stop telling me I need to spend time with my daughter. I am the parent I know how to raise my child. You do not have kids so you do not know. Until you have kids, don't tell me how to raise my child because you do not know what you are talking about".
Okay..no tears from me. I did not cry. I was furious. Burning mad!!! I drew the line..and not speaking or being around such devastating anger and drama. He is just a mean, selfish, rude person. I am ashamed he is my own brother. What Brother talks to their sister, knowing the pain and heartache this has been for me and my husband. The sad part for him is he also went through IVF with his wife and he does not even want to spend time with his daughter. Shocking!!!
But enough about the drama..it is over. I will still spend time with my niece, because she is just a bundle of Joy...but I am staying far far far away from my brother.
So..here I wait for Aunt Flow to come. Come quick!!! I can not wait!!!