Thursday, July 14, 2011

Can I say I told you so!

I am feeling so relaxed from a nice 5 day vacation in the redwoods. I got an awesome massage( prenatal massage by a doula) and went to a beautiful ocean view wedding, ate lots of ice cream(cinnamon) and spent a great time just relaxing and had no drama and of course no shots! Yayayya me!!! is the I told you so:
A few months back..I believe I wrote about a friend of mine who always has to one up me. Here is the back story without wasting too much time: She always has to do what I am doing to prove in some way she does it better. I went to college, she followed along,.to every school I went. I picked a degree, she would follow my footsteps. I would like a certain band, music, or anything you name it..and she would like it. I never noticed it. But when I would go and see her, I started feeling I was defensive. I would have conversations with her and well...I would feel I would just shut up because she had to tell me how great she was doing..for 30 minutes. This increased to a more negative path slowly during the last 15 years. I love her dearly as a sister, but I absolutely have been very disappointed in what I get from the friendship, which is nothing. because this is how she plays it, If I am doing better( in her mind) she will not talk to me for a couple of months) this is not a healthy pattern. I would get so hurt. Why ignore me, especially during my whole year with IVF. MY other friends were right there for me..and I have been there for them. But this one friend, if she is having a hard time, she will not talk with me. It drives me crazy. So a couple months ago before I became pregnant she says she and her husband started trying for a baby. I told my husband when we started trying that she was going to try to have a baby too, before me.This was my fear. While I was in the middle of IVF, she says, they were trying and if it did not work they would adopt. Okay, normally in a normal situation I would be hoping and praying for her. But for 15 years that I have known this couple they both said they hate kids and they would never have kids! Now!

Now!!! They want kids. Okay, while I was in the middle of IVF, her husband loses his job, has a heart attack, and she says to me, I can not discuss these issues, and I just need time to figure out what we are going to do..but do not call me. So I don't.

Today after two and a half months of not hearing from her, I decided to text her. I really needed a friend. I found out that my husband her has two slipped discs and has been suffering from them for 6 months got an MRI and saw a specialist. Good: it will take 6months to a year to surgery.  Bad: the upper disc is by the brain and if irritated enough could create a stroke. Low percentage but it could happen. I kind of freaked out when I heard that!!!
I texted her this..she said oh I am so sorry...I have more news, I am pregnant with twins!

Okay..tell me I am not nuts! Should I even waste my time beings friends with a person trying to one up while I am in need of friendship and comfort.

Sorry this is so long, but it is just on my mind. Thank you  if you even had the patience to get through half of this blog post.



  1. First of all, I am sorry bout your hubby. That is sooooooo painful:( It's such a coincidence, but my hubby is suffering of the same issues right now, and is headed for surgery. Those risk factors sound scary, but it sounds your hubby's doctor is confident and I am glad to hear he has good chances with conservative therapies. It is too bad this takes so long, but his recovery speeds up and he will feel better soon!

    Your friend sounds a bit ignorant to me. Maybe you should just do the same and try not to think about her much. Do you think she is a 'real' friend to you? I wish she could give you a bit more support when you need it. Being disappointed with friends could be real bummer. Sorry:(

    It sounds you guys had a nice getaway!
    How is Mommy ad Baby doing?

  2. Glad you had a nice getaway, complete with massage!!! One uppers never cease to amaze me. It seems like having/buying/doing more gives them some type of (false) security... even if they don't have the means to do it! I don't have many close friends and it's perfectly fine with me because the ones that I do have are true- through and through! Those kinds of friends are priceless!

  3. I was friends with someone all through school. We were kind of like twins, except that she was always one notch better than me. She's exactly 1 week older than me. Our height switched off who was a smidge taller all growing up until she ended up an inch taller. In high school, we understudied the same role (her in the school production, me in a community theatre production), she had the opportunity to actually take the role while I remained in the chorus. We both casually dated the same guy, until he decided to stop seeing me and they became an exclusive couple for a year or so.

    So in college, I go to lunch and run into her and sit to eat with her. As we're kind of talking, I suddenly realize "you're not a nice person. I don't think I even like you!" Didn't say that of course. But that moment was the end of our "friendship".

    A lot of times, the people we think are our friends really aren't. They are just the people that we are so used to having around, having some sort of relationship with, that we plop them in the friend category without ever considering if they deserve to be there or not. Some really don't.

    If this person is your friend simply because you're accustomed to having a relationship with her, it's totally ok to reconsider if you want that to continue or not. You have a right to choose who you call a friend, and lose contact with those that you don't.

  4. Happy ICLW! And just so you know, that vacay sounds like a dream come true. The hubby and I realized for the first time, that in the 6 and a half years we have been married, we have never been on an actual vacation. It made me priority on our list! I think it will really help our with the stress of life right now. I had a friend like this, and it got to the point where I just couldn't be friends with her any more, and even though it was really hard, life has been a lot less stressful without her in it.

    ICLW #114