Sunday, August 7, 2011

Lots of Emotions!

I feel so relaxed sitting on my couch typing about my growing belly. I sit here awaiting one more day to my 17th week! I am so happy IVF has worked out for me. I know some of you are still awaiting your baby or might be in the middle of your IVF or IUI process. I hope everything is going well. I found frequent stops for ice cream and spoiling myself at the IVF or trying too make a baby process very helpful. Take care of your self right your friends, do things that you and your hubby enjoys.  I am sure you will find that there are those two or three people that are truly cheering for you. Spend time with them and confide in them,...they can truly make your day a little brighter. My mom was that person. She called me everyday. For me, everyone else seemed to be watching from afar and smiling with hope in their eyes. If I was in a bad mood, I just saw pity, but I am sure they just wanted to hear that I was expecting, little did most of them know how hard and sad  pain and  the torture often brought me to. Music was helpful and often just a good cry while I was driving. I was so very very emotional. and then they had to add all the crazy hormones and surgeries, I was a hot mess! Well....I am pregnant now, and I am often still a hot mess.

Let's see, my recent emotional breakdown. Work...I got so heated, I lashed out at one of the nicest people in the World. I went straight into her office afterwards and started balling and I swore..a lot. She is  Catholic..a very religious women, so I am sure this was shocking for her. She is such an angel. I swear she missed her calling: mother Teresa! I love her so much. I am not too religious, but some of the very religious people in my life, have made me very happy when I am with them. Such patience, and love they have. Religious or not...they are just warm and loving people.

 I think this post is a very strange random thanks for trying to keep up. I can hardly keep up with all my thoughts lately. I  have been sad one minute, angry the next, excited the next, and frightened for the future the next. Sometimes these extreme emotions gets my heart beating pretty fast. I need to breathe. I thought maybe blogging would help..getting out some thoughts and maybe some of you have been going or have gone through such a crazy plethora of emotions.

1) angry- I think this must be from the lack of sleep. Waking up every hour to pee and hunger at 6 am is getting old. I have tried a few things. But nothing helped more than my doctor calming me down about sleeping on my back or my stomach. She said it is fine, as long as it does not hurt or my legs are going numb. Work has been a little stressful, the boss can be rude

2) scared- well the main thing right now: labor, and then how to deal with finances. I have no plan. Do I stay a few weeks or months at home. I am not financially secure to be a stay at home. You know, I just really wanted a baby, but had the idea that everything will work out. I know it all will work out, but there are so many items and things to think about. I am just really overwhelmed. I guess the biggest thing right now is in a few months we will start to look for a home. The price of our home is really  important, since we need to think about other bills and daycare, and things like a dryer in home if I choose to save money for cloth diapers. I mean we live in northern California so, we can only afford a condo and all these condos do not have washer and dryers in homes. I can not imagine having to do laundry with a baby down stairs or what not..and that is another price as well. So yeah..I am completely stressed out about this issue. I could get a house, but it will be an old house, in not a great area. Who knows, I guess in a few months, I will be closer to finding the answer. I just wish I could be nesting and comfortable and ready to set up a nice room for my baby.
whoa..that was a mouthful! how about on to number 3!

3) happy- this is mainly what I feel. In my second trimester..I am energetic. I cleaned the house Yeah!!!! My husband was happy about this. I was sick and tired a lot during the first trimester. I am laughing a lot at home and at work. I think everyone is picking it up, sometimes I just giggle. Yesterday my husband and I started laughing so hard..I almost peed a little. He was making fun of the way I was walking. My butt( I think is growing at the speed of light) was sticking out when  was walking. Okay. I am laughing right now...uncontrollably. oKay..hold on..give me a minute!!!
okay..I am okay now. I am not sure why I am walking weird. I went to the bathroom the other day, and I just was curious and looked at my butt in the mirror.
IT WAS HUGE!! I was shocked! A little embarrassed. I am walking around with this massive ass!!! OMG!!
okay..anyways..I have only gained one pound a week after the hormones ended:)  I am proud of that and I am walking and eating pretty healthy. I am pregnant and I am going to gain weight..I have to get used to this!

this leads to number 4!

4) excitement- I am going to get bigger in the next three weeks. I am so excited to get a really big bump and in the next few weeks I get to feel my baby kick! AHHHHH!!! This is majorly keeping me in a good mood. No matter if I have a minute or two meltdown..I am anxiously awaiting my baby letting me know he is in there. I look at my belly more than 10 times a day. Yes..I am obsessed with my baby in there. I am confused and concerned at times. I do not feel anything..but I know he or she is in there. for he or she..August 25th is the gender ultrasound!! So I have the names. I was thinking today and yesterday.I may keep it a surprise, from everyone except for hubby. Not sure if I have the strength to do that, but maybe it could be fun... I will keep the name a secret though..I think. I am pretty weak when it comes to secrets. I break pretty easily.

Alright..I better stop now..I could write more, but this is a lot for one post. I hope you all are having a nice relaxing weekend



  1. Sounds like all is going really well. Im looking forward to getting into my second trimester too. 12 weeks tomorrow and scan! yah.

  2. Ah yes, the crazy whirlwind emotions of pregnancy! I have a hard time keeping up with myself sometimes! I don't know what to tell you on how to calm it all down, but just keep trying to take deep breaths when the anger comes. It's hard, I know. So happy for you that you're 17 weeks!

  3. This is one emotional journey! all the hormones and the IVF package, they combine beautifully;)
    I can't believe it's already 17 weeks. Your big scan is almost here!!! Yay!:)

    Your bottom-check cracked me up:) having the same issue. My theory is that this is the way my body is naturally coping with the balance issues. Without that compensation, my belly would surely make me tip over;)

  4. Hi there!
    I am here from ICLW. Congratulations on your pregnancy! That is such wonderful news!!! I needed to read a success story, so I am glad that I stopped by!

    I, too, am interested in cloth diapering. I hope that you find the condo of your dreams so that you can go at it with gusto!

    Pamper yourself and ENJOY your pregnancy!

  5. I felt like saying "get out of my head!" - so similar some of the things you say are...

    Although I must say, since they took me of the progesterone, I became a much nicer person ;)

    I stroke my belly all the time, even though it still isn't all that big - I just llllike it!

    Congrats on moving along so nicely ;)

  6. Glad you are doing well and excited about getting bigger :-) Thinking of you and happy ICLW

  7. You know what, no matter what it took to get you to this stage, you sound like a perfectly normal, hormonal, emotional, scared, happy pregnant woman.

    I hope it goes smoothly and you find a perfect living situation (whether it's staying put or moving).

    ICLW #19

  8. LOLOL, you crack me up... We took weekly photos of the pregnancy with the last one ... it's funny to go back and look at them. Speaking of which I have to dig out my disks and find some new pictures of the end of my pregnancy with my youngest because he's 3rd birthday is coming up :( Pout... (sorry thinking in type... lol) ... anyway ... your range of emotions is completely normal ... GOOD LUCK finding out the gender of your bambino ... you could share with me, I won't tell anyone! LOL

  9. I am still scared almost 7 weeks after my son was born.

    But I can tell you that barely remember my labor now, even a few hours afterward I forgot about what I was going through.

    Happy ICLW