Thursday, January 20, 2011

Need to vent

Since I am not on facebook anymore...I need to vent my daily struggles. I use to vent to facebook...I know..strange right? goes. hmo in California has really been driving me up the wazoo!!  As most of you  know, before you start IVF, there are a just about a billion blood tests that you have to be tested for. Well, for the last two to three months..I have been going into the lab to see my favorite phlebotomist Elena. Elena is fact. I talk about her to all my friends like she is my friend. after I leave, I thank her and tell her how grateful I am to have found her. Before Elena, I would have the worst experience getting my blood drawn. They would miss my vein, or lose it as they were in..and so forth. I do not want to affect the faint of heart here. It is pretty gruesome what details I can reveal when it comes to my challenges with blood draws! But the vent I have today is the actually about people who organize the blood draws, before I see the phlebonomist. Bottom line, I found out yesterday, that I had to take the blood test twice because they were so unorganized. It got so bad..I called three different departments, and each one gave me different answers. I got so exhausted after the fifth hour of calling and having to fight to get some sort of conclusion and clarity..I had to call Memeber services. So, this morning, I get a call....and you can bet I had a mouthful to complain about. They said their sorries, and embarrassment how their staff are unorganized and clearly made more than one mistake. She then said that the whole lab department is in a meeting  about the problem and they are training the staff to do a better job. I am glad they are better equipping their staff, but I only wish I was not the one that had to take the brunt of their lack of training.

On another subject...friends. I have this friend. She has been my friend for 15 years. I am in so much pain about how our friendship has been lagging. The last three years it is full of bad situations and, jealousy, fights, silence, and bad vibes.  When is it time to say goodbye? 15 years is a long time to just call it quits. It is kind of like a marriage. I guess, when I read other blogs about their great friends, and growing old together and pushing their babies along side with their strollers, and when I read hallmark cards, ...I guess all the good times come rushing back. But really in reality, I do not respect her very much. I hate to say this, I feel guilty and mean saying it on a blog. But, she is so vain and all about money. I am just not that person. I am about family, friends, and just the simple things. If I call her, the first 20 minutes are just about her business and how she made this profit and how successful her husband and her are. Then she asks if I am pregnant. I say no..tell her some of the challenges I am having and then she says, gotta go. Is she really a friend anymore. NO. I can really say no. We have gone our own ways. We are living two very different paths. The only thing is, two people(friends) can live in different worlds and want and different dreams for different lives and still be friends..right? I guess I am a little lost without my best friend. The last time I wrote her a letter..stating my feelings, she got all defensive. we really haven't talked much. In November it was my birthday and she forgot it. She called three days later to  wish me a happy Thanksgiving and happy birthday. I said it was three days ago. She quickly defensively said well..I AM CALLING NOW...! Here is the reality, I have good friends that I love and cherish. I have three or four that I can call right now...and they know exactly what to say and they know every detail of my challenges and I know every detail of their life as well. We are all good friends and talk at least one a week about our feelings and so forth..we laugh, and know how to calm each other and make us laugh until we cry! I just really wish I had that kind of relationship with  my best friend. As you could tell, I feel very deeply about this subject and I am very torn and there are many facets to this difficult friendship. Have any of you been through something like this?


  1. Hi. I have actually been through a simular situation with my (ex) best friend. We were bff through high school and many year after (probably about 8 yrs.) We had much different goals in life (hers was to have th job, nice cars and she didn't want nor need a man. Mine: hubby, kids, house with the white picket fence.) I got married, and she ha dthe well paying job. We still remainined friend, even gtting an apartment together (while I was mrried.) UNTIL, I decided to move out of state. She was never there for me. I barely talked to hr in the yea I was gone. However, I craved what we had had. So, when I moved back, I talked to her and we got close again. We saw each other every day (My ex hubby was a truck driver, so he was always gone, and she would spend every night with me.) It wa sjust like old times. UNTIL,I bought a house about 40 miles away. She came to my house one time!!! Then, said to me that I lived too far away for us to be freinds anymore. WTF!!! A few years later I found out that she had actually moved closer o me (about 15-20 miles away.) She never told me, never looked me up, nothing. I was so hurt.
    I am her fb friend now. But we don't talk.We aretotally diffeent people than we used to be. I still have a very special place in my heart for her, and I will always be there for her if she needs/wants be to be. But, it will never be the same nd I'm now ok with that. (What you sai about it being like a sivorce, so true. It hurts as bad.)

    Good luck.

  2. it does hurt...but I am sure you are like have found great friendships that are long lasting. I just spoke with two friends today that I have known 6 years longer than my friend I was posting about. It really felt special to be able to know, although I have lost a friendship( or least the friendship stronger friendship) I do have friends that love me. But letting just too hard! You know Kim...I think some people can only be friends with people who are close in proximity.