Welcome all you IComLeavWe readers and loyal commenters. It is my favorite time of the month again.
Thanks again to the Stirrups Queen for creating this great way to build support. So you can read my previous posts below to get to know me. I am very excited to hear from new readers and to catch up with others that I have not heard from in a while. At this time, I am waiting one more month to start my first IVF process. I am anxiously awaiting the rigorous hormone torture. I think what I want to focus on this month is what our Government(USA...I am in California) is doing to help us in the IF community. I was reading this interesting article from one of my favorite bloggers, fertilityauthority. I never knew how much the government can control the future of the infertility research and health coverage. I would also like to know more about how to get better health coverage or at least begin the fight for the future of this community.
1) what has your experience been with getting health coverage for your infertility... In the USA or any where in the world?
2) Do any of you know about how we can participate in this fight to get our government to help us?
3) this article is a must from the Stirrup Queens blog. Melissa brings up the fine line between speaking up about infertility so the world is more aware that we are out there and that bringing up and conversing about the subject may help us with health care..but with that brings up many issues because we in return often become the victims from insensitive and ignorant people.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Gratitude
It has been awhile. I am using my husband's little netbook because my laptop died on me. I have been so empty without it. It has been so great being able to read and catch up on your blogs. And I have to say I am a little blogger shy..it has been so long since I have bared my soul with this community. Well, let's see. Where to begin. I just want to say to many of you who got a BFN this month, I was watching the new Karate Kid 2010 version. I thought it was not so good, but one line from the movie made me think of all of you. Mr. Han, the kid's teacher say's to him:
"You have taught me very important lesson, Xiao Dre. Life will knock us down, but we can choose whether or not to stand back up. "
I don't know what happened but I started weeping. You all are so strong going through these procedures for months, and sometimes years!! YOU never give up! And some of you, have such grace about you. I am so proud to be part of this community.
As for you all with BFP!! Wow!! Congrats!! I am so happy for you..and you give me strength and hope!!
the latest with me:
I got my period this month. I actually thought for a couple days after I was a week late that maybe my husband and I made a baby!! I started going to that happy place. You know the relieved that the hormones and money was not a factor in starting a family. Nope! That was short lived. My period arrived. I think I handled it pretty well. Only a few casualties. Oops. I can not help it. Well, I think everyone understands, I am on edge lately. I am not doing the hormones yet:( I hope March will be my start to the hormone journey. It all depends if money is coming in. Unfortunetley money is a huge stress behind my IVF process.
Besides the lack of IVF beginning, I think I am getting a little lost within it. I find myself stuck on what to say to friends and family when they ask me what is new with me. Besides the baby urgency and emptyness, I feel there is nothing else. That makes me think, I may need to get a life. But the reality is that all my friends and family have kids or have just recently announced their pregnancy. HMM...and the other friends, we complain together that we are not pregnant and everyone is telling us they are pregnant. It is kind of funny. I am not sure why I laugh about it, but it is kind of hilarious!! I wonder if there is any comedians and funny movies about this.
Good things, a family relative who needed to get into rehab has finally checked in, way past due but better late than never!! I am nervous for this person, but I am keeping my fingers crossed that the seed is planted and this person gets some healing done quickly!
My health...I am going in to the lab to get my blood taken tomorrow. I am checking on my thyroid. I really hope it is around 1 so I can start the IVF process. I am also going to check if I am immune to toxoplasmosis. My cat was tested and he does have Taxosplasmosis. Which means, it is not good to be around his litter while I am pregnant. That makes me really nervous.
My cat is a major stress for me regarding having him around me when I get pregnant. Not only when I am pregnant though. When the baby is born, I do not trust my cat. He is an indoor cat and he is the king of everything. He also has a temper all of a suddenly. Most of the time he is a lovebug and just wants to cuddle. But then, all of sudden, he bites...hard. I do not want him harming my child. I do not know what to do. I get so mad every time he bites me or scratches me. I love him though. He has been my baby for 9 fun years. He has been through so many hard times with me and my husband. I do not know, I guess one step at a time.
Anyways, I guess that is enough for now. I hope you all are having a great weekend.
hugs,
Marilyn
"You have taught me very important lesson, Xiao Dre. Life will knock us down, but we can choose whether or not to stand back up. "
I don't know what happened but I started weeping. You all are so strong going through these procedures for months, and sometimes years!! YOU never give up! And some of you, have such grace about you. I am so proud to be part of this community.
As for you all with BFP!! Wow!! Congrats!! I am so happy for you..and you give me strength and hope!!
the latest with me:
I got my period this month. I actually thought for a couple days after I was a week late that maybe my husband and I made a baby!! I started going to that happy place. You know the relieved that the hormones and money was not a factor in starting a family. Nope! That was short lived. My period arrived. I think I handled it pretty well. Only a few casualties. Oops. I can not help it. Well, I think everyone understands, I am on edge lately. I am not doing the hormones yet:( I hope March will be my start to the hormone journey. It all depends if money is coming in. Unfortunetley money is a huge stress behind my IVF process.
Besides the lack of IVF beginning, I think I am getting a little lost within it. I find myself stuck on what to say to friends and family when they ask me what is new with me. Besides the baby urgency and emptyness, I feel there is nothing else. That makes me think, I may need to get a life. But the reality is that all my friends and family have kids or have just recently announced their pregnancy. HMM...and the other friends, we complain together that we are not pregnant and everyone is telling us they are pregnant. It is kind of funny. I am not sure why I laugh about it, but it is kind of hilarious!! I wonder if there is any comedians and funny movies about this.
Good things, a family relative who needed to get into rehab has finally checked in, way past due but better late than never!! I am nervous for this person, but I am keeping my fingers crossed that the seed is planted and this person gets some healing done quickly!
My health...I am going in to the lab to get my blood taken tomorrow. I am checking on my thyroid. I really hope it is around 1 so I can start the IVF process. I am also going to check if I am immune to toxoplasmosis. My cat was tested and he does have Taxosplasmosis. Which means, it is not good to be around his litter while I am pregnant. That makes me really nervous.
My cat is a major stress for me regarding having him around me when I get pregnant. Not only when I am pregnant though. When the baby is born, I do not trust my cat. He is an indoor cat and he is the king of everything. He also has a temper all of a suddenly. Most of the time he is a lovebug and just wants to cuddle. But then, all of sudden, he bites...hard. I do not want him harming my child. I do not know what to do. I get so mad every time he bites me or scratches me. I love him though. He has been my baby for 9 fun years. He has been through so many hard times with me and my husband. I do not know, I guess one step at a time.
Anyways, I guess that is enough for now. I hope you all are having a great weekend.
hugs,
Marilyn
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Sad
My stupid laptop is giving me a hard time and broke on me:( So I have a good two minutes to write this at work.
I am so pissed. I am not able to coherently communicate how sad I am right now. I am not pregnant, nor can I afford an IVF $30, ooo. Who has that in their back pocket right!? Still can't cry though..need to leave work in about an hour and then I am going to cry my eyes out!!! Everyday I hear someone else is pregnant. Today I found out a friend is pregnant. Two days ago facebook friend said she was. I really can not handle this!! sick to my stomach...really
okay...I am not sure all the reasons that are making me so lunatic and upset. I get a call from my mom telling me..are you alone? Can we talk? I say did someone get hurt? she says no.._______ is Pregnant. It was like she was telling me someone died. There are so many reasons why I think she told me like that. But in the middle she says oh..your sister in law is calling let me call you back. She then calls me and tells _________ law asked her not to tell her. What the fuck. That makes me so angry. I really can not control myself right now. Remember when Halle berry won her Oscar..that is me right now..but I am holding it all in. I am really upset. That is just what I keep on hearing in my head. This is not fair. This is not fair! I hate being a jeolous person..but...everyone is getting pregnant around me. every day on facebook someone is getting pregnant, my friends are telling me they are pregnant, my cousins, and now my ______ law. They were not even trying!!!
I really need someone to yell at or slap me to wake up! But this is a fucking nightmare!!!
I am so pissed. I am not able to coherently communicate how sad I am right now. I am not pregnant, nor can I afford an IVF $30, ooo. Who has that in their back pocket right!? Still can't cry though..need to leave work in about an hour and then I am going to cry my eyes out!!! Everyday I hear someone else is pregnant. Today I found out a friend is pregnant. Two days ago facebook friend said she was. I really can not handle this!! sick to my stomach...really
okay...I am not sure all the reasons that are making me so lunatic and upset. I get a call from my mom telling me..are you alone? Can we talk? I say did someone get hurt? she says no.._______ is Pregnant. It was like she was telling me someone died. There are so many reasons why I think she told me like that. But in the middle she says oh..your sister in law is calling let me call you back. She then calls me and tells _________ law asked her not to tell her. What the fuck. That makes me so angry. I really can not control myself right now. Remember when Halle berry won her Oscar..that is me right now..but I am holding it all in. I am really upset. That is just what I keep on hearing in my head. This is not fair. This is not fair! I hate being a jeolous person..but...everyone is getting pregnant around me. every day on facebook someone is getting pregnant, my friends are telling me they are pregnant, my cousins, and now my ______ law. They were not even trying!!!
I really need someone to yell at or slap me to wake up! But this is a fucking nightmare!!!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
My first AWARD!!!
Here are the rules for the acceptance of the award:
1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 15 other bloggers.
4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award.
oh and
5) copy and paste picture and gloat about your award on your blog!
Only 7..hmmm hahaha
1) When I turned 21, I achieved a promise I made to myself a year prior: to walk a marathon. I did in Hawaii and I made it to the finish line. It was one of my favorite memories, training with team in training and meeting so many great people.
2) I traveled to Israel when I was sixteen. It was another great adventure. so many great people I met and such great history to be seen.
3) a silly thing..hmm..my favorite guilty pleasure is watching the reality show big brother. I get so hooked. It is on after dark every night and three times a week during the summer. I just love the psychology behind it. It is just about the best reality show!
4) I had a dalmation while growing up. She was my best friend. We used to go to the beach and have picnics. I would bring pretzels and cheese. And in another bag would be lots of good cookies for her. And then we would stop and get ice cream for both of us. I loved her so much. My boyfriend would get jealous! He said I loved her more than him. It is probably true! lol..no...I loved them equally!
5) I am extremely giggly! I have the worst giggle fits. Normally if I am in a good mood, I will probably have everyone giggling or singing. Good times.
6) I have a Psychology background. I have a B.A. in Psychology and went to grad school for a master's in counseling..let's just say...did not proceed in that area...that story is for another post.
7) I love black licorice! Have you ever tried black licorice gum and ice cream. So delish!!
oh here are the awards..I really can't just pick 15...
http://www.sweetlifewithlizzi.com/
http://clewis-babyonmymind.blogspot.com/
http://christasbabyquest.blogspot.com/
http://manyadventuresofalex.blogspot.com/.
http://macandpccache.blogspot.com/
http://doihavetobeadink.blogspot.com/
http://mutemockingbird.wordpress.com/
http://www.stirrup-queens.com
http://adventuresininfertilityland.blogspot.com
http://fertilitychick.blogspot.com
http://www.afever.com/
http://wifetothenavylife.blogspot.com
http://horriblehormones.blogspot.com
http://infertilitydoula.blogspot.com
http://ambivalentwomb.blogspot.com
http://www.eatpraylovelive.com
http://mommyfromivf.blogspot.com
http://lovemarriagewheresthebabycarriage.blogspot.com
http://roadlesstraveledblog.blogspot.com
http://therockyroadtomotherhood.blogspot.com
http://try-try-again1.blogspot.com
http://ababybumpjourney.blogspot.com
http://www.whitneyanderick.com
http://marriedwithendo.blogspot.com/
http://storm-in-my-teacup.blogspot.com/
http://runnyyolk.wordpress.com/
I think I went over...oops:). But these blogs have made my blogging experience so rich and meaningful. I am
sure I am missing a few..but theseblogs have brought me to tears and laughter, helped ignite the fire in me and helped me see the light when I was far down in the dumps.
For beginner cooks!
This is the coolest youtube subscription. If you are not a regular martha stewart and want to learn how to cook..this is the best place! Check it out:)
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
I actually remember my dream last night
I needed this dream, I have been working overtime lately. I worked 7 days straight without a break, and finally today I got a break. And I checked out...watched the view and all my favorite episodes of Oprah. Smiles..:) I am so happy. Did a little laundry and now as I blog, I have a beef stew cooking on the stove. Okay..the honest truth...I cut the vegetables and my renaissance of a husband is really tending to our beef stew. I will blog about how I do not cook very well on my other blog! lol
So I will end this blog post with what is going on with me in the whole infertility situation. As of last week..I am going to be stalled one more month. I am very very...(did I say very) distraught about this. Bottom line..it is about the financial sum. it is so much..and well...I do not have it right now. It hopefully will be next month. I really want it to be..but this is got to be teaching me something right? I think it is patience. At least that is what I have to tell myself. There really is no other choice.
So..the negative thoughts I have in my head: I am being left behind..I am still not able to get into the mommies club. AHHHH!!!
lesson: patience..this gives me time to take care of my health and focus on yoga and writing..being creative.
At this moment I am fine. We will see where I am tomorrow.
Hugs to you all and I hope you all are doing good.
Sending positive vibes to all of you:)
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